Empty the Bench

Fox Sport’s obnoxious talking head Bill Mass was arrested over the weekend, and it doesn’t look good. I always knew there was something wrong with this guy, outside of being a loudmouth moron, and now we finally have some proof. While not quite in Marv Albert territory, this has to be pretty embarrassing. Maas was apparently set to celebrate the weekend in a big way as he was (wait for it) . . . loaded for bear. Zing!

The 45-year-old Maas and a passenger in his Hummer, Sarah J. Murphy, 27, were arrested late Friday by Illinois State Police. During the stop, police indicated Maas seemed nervous, and he agreed to a search of his vehicle.

Police found a .22-caliber revolver, 5 grams of suspected marijuana, 6 grams of suspected cocaine and 28 pills of Ecstasy. Maas and Murphy were charged with possession of a controlled substance and possession of marijuana. Maas was also booked on a charge of unlawful use of a weapon.

I have no idea what the former Kansas City Chiefs All-Pro intended to do with that young woman in a vehicle loaded with drugs and firearms in the middle of nowhere, but I’m imagining something along the lines of Jacques Renault‘s cabin in Twin Peaks. Creepy. Where are the Bookhouse Boys when you need them? According to officials the former defensive tackle is charged with possession of a controlled substance (the felony variety) as well as unlawful use of a weapon. Suffice it to say, I don’t think we’ll be hearing him profess man-love for Brett Favre any time soon. This is an obvious blow to Maas fans everywhere, but a major coup for everybody else who intended to watch Fox NFL broadcasts this fall.

After three bowls of Honeycomb and an absolutely *raging* cup of espresso, I browsed Hoops Addict this morning, and besides the always good basketball content found this little Mother’s Day gem. Many thanks for the find… and Mom, this one’s for you.

We haven’t watched much professional wrestling since Hulk Hogan body-slammed Andre the Giant, but if old-schooler Iron Shiek was to take this grievance with the Ultimate Warrior into the squared circle, we’d gladly cough up a few bones for the pay-per-view event. All we’d need are two managers; might we suggest Bobby “The Brain” Heenan and Jimmy Hart?

If the f-word offends you, cover your ears because the Iron Shiek ain’t havin’ it at this New Jersey sports show. The only thing that could have made this incident any more entertaining is if the event promoter stood up to the Shiek’s verbal tirade and clocked him.

(via The FanHouse)

In the wake of radio personality Don Imus’ ignoramous comments about the Rutgers women’s basketball team, we thought this PSA from Principal Blackman was appropriate.

Steve Greenberg of the Sporting News recently chatted up Massachusetts senator and ex-presidential candidate John Kerry about sports, of course leading with questions about Kerry’s one-man crusade against MLB’s deal with DirecTV. It’s nice that Kerry likes baseball and all, but, um, doesn’t he have other things to worry about?

Anyway, the whole interview (it’s not long and is mostly puff) can be read here; a few excerpts:

SN: We hear baseball’s new deal with DirecTV (which would make out-of-market games available only to fans with the service) rubs you the wrong way. Why is that?

Kerry: This whole deal smells bad. MLB should look for ways to make baseball more accessible to fans, not less. I hope that MLB, DirecTV and others can get this done. Any deal worth $700 million that puts fewer games on TV is going to raise a big red flag.

SN: You’re 6-4 — can you dunk on pretty much anybody in Washington?

Kerry: Yes — and someday I will show you my victory celebration.

Not sure what exactly his “victory celebration” entails, but wouldn’t it be sweet to watch Kerry raise the roof and shake his bony ass like he just don’t care?

Wait, that’s not entirely accurate. According to New Jersey’s Superior Court Judge Joseph Falcone, it’s actually okay to down a shot of Sambuca for breakfast, pop two Valiums, then punch the clock and hop on your Zamboni. If you want to drink beer and vodka immediately following a spin on the ol’ Zamboni, that’s fine too. Ahhhh, only in New Jersey:

A judge ruled the four-ton ice rink-grooming machines aren’t motor vehicles because they aren’t useable on highways and can’t carry passengers. Zamboni operator John Peragallo had been charged with drunken driving in 2005 after a fellow employee at the Mennen Sports Arena in Morristown told police the machine was speeding and nearly crashed into the boards. Police said Peragallo’s blood alcohol level was 0.12 percent. A level of 0.08 is considered legally drunk in New Jersey.

Peragallo, 64, testified at his trial that he did drink beer and vodka, but not until after he had groomed the ice. However, he told police he had a shot of Sambuca with his breakfast coffee and two Valium-pills before work.

Grow a pair, John. Everyone knows that any Zamboni driver worth a damn takes at least five Valiums, drinks coffee with the Sambuca (not the other way around), and brings along a flask of Johnnie Walker for a spin around the rink. Sheesh, get with the program.

While we find amazing work, articles, rants, musings, etc just about everyday from our fellow sportswriting brethren, Empty the Bench would like to take a moment to highlight two brand-spankin’ new items you need to check out.

Erin and Jason Gurney, the whiz-bang tech geniuses behind lowpost.net, striketwo.net, and faircatch.net, have just launched their latest and possibly greatest site this week, and it comes with the official ETB Stamp of Approval. Ballhype is a little hard to describe because, well, there aren’t any sports sites like it. At its core, Ballhype is a community-driven gathering place for writers and fans to “hype up” the best stories, games, etc on the Web. The Gurneys cite Facebook, Digg, and Techmeme as major influences for the site’s social networking, user-generated news, and group components. Here’s a little bit more from the founders themselves:

Ballhype tracks more than 1,600 sports blogs to find great content so you don’t have to. Hype up the best stories, submit new links, or write your own posts, and let the fans decide. We think that being a fan should be fun. You can hang out on Ballhype without submitting content or voting — lurk, even — but we get more out of watching the Warriors lose if there’s even one other fan in the room. So Hype it up, add Friends, leave Sticky Notes, make Game Picks, create or join Groups. You should get your friends to join Ballhype, if only to have bragging rights over your pick ranking.

It’s a great idea, a great site, and is well worth joining and bookmarking.

Another bookmark-worthy site is Hoops Addict, where over the past two weeks Ryan McNeill has scored two interviews with authors of basketball-related books; both are available to stream as podcasts. First, McNeill chatted up Brian McCormick about his book “Cross Over: The New Model of Youth Basketball Development;” click here to give it a listen. This diehard Raptors fan also tracked down Christopher Bibey to talk about his book, “Open Your Heart With Basketball: Mastering Life through Love of the Game,” which details Bibey’s life after being diagnosed with cancer during his freshman season in college. Listen to the interview.

ESPN has just published their Fan Satisfaction Rankings, which ranks all the professional teams in the four major North American leagues (yes, even the NHL) based on categories such as “Bang for the Buck,” “Fan Relations,” and “Affordability.” After surveying over 80,000 people, hockey’s Buffalo Sabres finished first in overall satisfaction; we have no idea how the Detroit Lions came in last. What’s not to like there?

Find out where your team ranks here. Click on each team name for a few reasons why they ended up where they did; here’s an excerpt on how the Sabres ended up on top:

Larry Quinn, managing partner of the Buffalo Sabres, knows owner Tom Golisano doesn’t like him to talk about other clubs’ fans, but he just can’t help himself. Anytime the Sabres host archrival Toronto, Quinn enjoys watching the thousands of crazies who make the 101-mile trek to cheer their Leafs. “Jersey-wearing, face-painted, wig-wearing types, not the kind you see at the Air Canada Centre,” says Quinn. “It’s ironic that Buffalo has become the place where true Toronto fans can express themselves.”

Cheers, Sabres fans: face-painters and wig-wearers are our favorite kind of fans. Mmhmm.

These might be the most embarassing, cringe-worthy four minutes of any sportscast you’ll ever see. We feel bad for this poor kid, but at least he (unwittingly) makes the Pacers highlights very, very funny and entertaining for his audience.

Not far from Hong Kong lies the gambling mecca of Macau, which brings in more cash, annually, than Las Vegas despite having almost 20 less casinos. So far be it from David Stern to refuse an overseas publicity opportunity, as well as a hefty chunk of change, when Macau knocked on his door and asked if any of his teams were available on loan for a few days. Originally reported in the South China Morning Post, the Cleveland Cavaliers and Orlando Magic will join England’s Manchester United for a series of exhibitions in celebration of the new 3.2-billion-dollar Venetian Macau-Resort hotel in August:

It said the two NBA teams would play a two-game series, one in Macau and another in Shanghai, while Man U would travel to Macau as part of their Asian tour. The relaxation of foreign ownership rules that ended tycoon Stanley Ho’s 40-year casino monopoly brought a flood of investment from the United States and Hong Kong that has rejuvenated the once moribund sector.

For a guy who seems rather hung up on the negative impact gambling has on “his” league, it’s odd that Mr. Stern will now have taken the NBA into the two most lucrative venues for that very activity within the same year.