Empty the Bench

Ignore his lack of doctoral credentials. We don’t care if he’s only qualified to play third base, not give an accurate diagnosis of pitchers recovering from blood-clot surgery. With the Detroit Tigers’ pitching staff in disarray (yesterday starting pitcher Nate Robertson became the first Tigers hurler in 14 years to fail to retire a batter before being yanked), we’ll believe anybody close to Kenny Rogers if they say he’s ready to return to the staff.

Danny Knobler for the Tigers Insider reports that after batting against him a few times in a simulated game yesterday, Brandon Inge is convinced that Rogers could pitch right now:

“In my honest opinion, I think he’s ready,” said Brandon Inge, who batted against Rogers three times in the two simulated innings. “He could pitch right now. I think he’s ready. That’s my opinion.”

Rogers faced 11 batters, throwing 37 pitches. Inge said what impressed the hitters most was that Rogers’ fastball and changeup looked the same as they came out of his hand, making both pitches more effective. Inge hit a long fly ball that might or might not have been caught (there were no outfielders for the simulated game), and two ground balls to shortstop.

Assuming all is well, Rogers will throw a regular bullpen session on Thursday, and then the Tigers will set up the next step. They haven’t said that he’ll be ready for minor-league rehab start after that, but it would hardly be a surprise if he is. “It depends on how I feel physically,” Rogers said. “I could go out right now and pitch innings in the big leagues. I just don’t know how long I could go.”

Whenever Rogers returns, it’ll not only fortify the starting rotation but also bump either Mike Maroth or Chad Durbin into the bullpen, which is currently trotting guys out to the mound named Tim Byrdak, Jason Grilli, and Bobby Seay. Yep, even adding a struggling starter to the ‘pen would be a boon for now.

At ETB, we just can’t get enough of the baseball skipper meltdown. What would be distasteful in all other sports (or walks of life, for that matter) is an art form on the baseball diamond. There’s a certain poetry in watching a middle-aged, dumpy man in a matching two-piece outfit lose all composure in front of a stadium full of innocent bystanders. Classics by Lou Piniella, Earl Weaver, Billy Martin and Charlie Manuel have some new company thanks to a recent outburst by Mississippi Braves manager Phil Wellman. This could be up there with the best of them.

How do you rate a skipper meltdown? Well, there has to be some real fire in the belly. Check. Dirt has to fly (either at an ump or over a base). Check. The sanctity of the baseball field has to be attacked in the interest of making a point. Check. One of the bases must be removed from its mooring. Check and check. There’s got to be a legitimate chance that the guy has actually lost it. Check. Oh, and there has to be some creativity involved, too. Check.

There are some classic moments here. The covering home plate with dirt has become a bit passé, but Wellman reinvigorates the old bit not only with the exacting precision with which he does it, but then actually drawing a new home plate that more accurately represents the ump’s strike zone. Nice. But the part where he sneaks up behind the pitcher’s mound as if engaged in trench warfare and lobs the rosin bag at the ump like a grenade? Genius. Enjoy.

- It seems that $28 million isn’t all the Last Place Yankees have guaranteed their 44-year-old starting pitcher savior. They’ve also given him a no-trade clause.

- No, we’re not ashamed to promote ourselves once in awhile. In case you missed it, Andrew posted a fantastic look at five young guns who could help your fantasy roster (though you might want to wait on Phil Hughes for at least 2 months now).

- Jeff Passan for Yahoo! Sports has put together two pretty solid rosters for his All-Overpaid and All-Underpaid teams. We’re shocked–shocked–that anyone would consider Jason Kendall (.189, 0 HR, 13 RBI) overpaid, however, at the reasonable price tag of $13.43 million. That’s a bargain.

- Heading into a big four-game series against the Cleveland Indians (who swept them in Detroit last week), the injuries continue to pile up for the Tigers. Starting third baseman Brandon Inge will likely miss the series with a broken toe, and Carlos Guillen might miss a few as well with a mild left groin strain.

- A well thought-out case is made for $7 beers at the ballpark being a good thing.

- It’s never too early to start thinking about trades, is it?

- For the record, we can’t bring ourselves to talk about or link to anything about that non-story going on in New York about that one guy who plays third base and did something with a blonde girl in Toronto. We just won’t do it, and think it’s rather ridiculous that it was front-page news on yesterday’s New York Post.

- Rumors and Rants are none too pleased about minor-leaguer Mitch Hilligoss “bitching his way into continuing his hitting streak” at 36 games and counting.

- Mr. Met is totally a party animal. (via Deadspin)

- The defending World Series champ St. Louis Cardinals have been a major disappointment thus far this season. One writer sounds like he should be considered for a front-office job.

The second blitz of young prospects getting a shot in the majors is upon us. Tim Lincecum, Hunter Pence and Phil Hughes made some big waves in a short span of time last month, and this week Kevin Slowey, Yovani Gallardo and Ryan Braun jumped into the fantasy player pool. Here’s the Lincecum analysis: he’s really good. With that out of the way, ETB checks in with Pence and and Hughes and takes a look at Braun, Gallardo and Slowey with an eye toward their fantasy futures.

Ryan Braun, 3B, Milwaukee Brewers

THE add of the week has to be Ryan Braun, the new Milwaukee Brewers starting third baseman. He has some serious potential and versatility to go along with an everyday job and should be picked up in nearly every league. Braun is a player who could eventually hit 30+ home runs and steal 20+ bags, and it’s pretty hard to find that kind of production anywhere- let alone on the waiver wire. He was he 5th overall pick in the 2005 draft, and he should be able to hit for average and power right away.

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- Wonderful story over at the D.C. Sports Bog about a surprise appearance by the Washington Wizards’ Caron Butler at a fan’s 16th birthday party. I mean, isn’t this every kid’s dream? (Okay, there are other things post-pubescent teens dream about and wish for, but we’re not going there.) You come home, and sitting there on your couch is an NBA all-star, who chills with you and your friends, gives you an autographed poster and pair of sneaks, and puts Gilbert Areanas on the phone with you as he leaves. Very cool, Caron.

- Utah Jazz rookie forward Paul Millsap tells Hoops Addict in an exclusive interview that he experienced a strong sense of self-doubt on draft day last year (he wasn’t taken until the second round). I think he’s over it now, don’t you?

- Rasheed Wallace, feeling good about Jason Maxiell. Gotta love ‘Sheed.

- Arizona Diamondbacks rookie Mark Reynolds is compared to a prolific steroids gobbler in the best possible way.

- Zydrunas Ilgauskas was asked if teammate Anderson Varejao flops in practice: “We ask him not to do it because he can trip somebody or land on somebody’s foot. Like I said, he goes 100 miles an hour.”

- The first trace of mild criticism over True Hoop’s move to ESPN.

- A nice look at the impact of first-overall picks in the NBA draft, dating back to Patrick Ewing in 1985 for the New York Knickerbockers.

- Denver Nuggets head coach George Karl is insisting that if/when his son, Coby Karl, joins the team this summer and magically becomes a part of the rotation next season, that it won’t just be because he’s his son. Right. Here’s Karl’s unbiased appraisal of Karl, who is recovering from his second operation for thyroid cancer: “The trainers told me Coby was in better shape than anyone else. Our dream has been to be on a team as coach and player. I think he’s a fit for us, and he would give this team some of the things we need.”

- The Flip Saunders obsession by Minnesota sports writers is reaching historic levels. They just won’t give up it up–yet another baseless rumor that Saunders will be rejoined with KG, this time as the Los Angeles Lakers head coach.

- There’s something in the soft drinks in Seattle–Jones Soda, to be exact. Sports fans at Qwest Field will be exclusively sucking down the small company’s beverages for at least the next five years, and we think it’s great. Not often you see David beat down corporate goliaths (Coke and Pepsi) these days, especially when it comes to professional sports. (via Football Outsiders)

- Rumor that Jason Terry is being shopped around the league.

- Two homers from Ryan Howard yesterday has Philadelphia Phillies fans psyched.

- Charley Rosen still looking for any opportunity to be down on the Detroit Pistons, saying that it might be too late for the Pistons to play like “legitimate championship contenders” because now that Lebron had one good game, he could be on his way to accomplishing “ruthless and valiant deeds.”

- What’s wrong with the Texas Rangers?

- Finally, two intergalatic luminaries denounce professional baseball:

- Differing accounts of this encounter with Scott Skiles at a bar last night (see the comments), but one thing’s for certain: the Chicago Bulls head coach said the word “shit” and we’re deeply offended by his potty mouth.

- Mark Cuban is chillin’ in the Cayman Islands and don’t you forget it. He’s also into coin-flipping.

- “Big” Mike Williams is all keyed up and ready to rock the house for the Oakland Raiders. We had a post written and ready to go about a month ago entitled “Hindsight is 20/20 for Mike Williams,” but I axed it at the last minute because, well, I don’t know why. The gist of it is that now that Williams is out of Detroit, it sounds like he’s blaming his dismal failure there on everyone except himself: the coaches, his teammates, the media, the guy manning the drive-thru at Burger King. Look, he was a bust for the Lions, but I’d like to see the kid do well. Really. But the fact is that he can only blame himself for the less-than-ideal beginning to his professional career. Dropping passes, dogging it in practice, insisting *his* ideal playing weight was the right one–not the coaches’–and not learning the playbook. That’s all on him.

- Middle relief pitchers and how managers use them under the microscope.

- The pride of the New York Yankees’ pitching rotation, Carl Pavano, is probably the most popular guy on the team. As we speak, Yankees fans are furiously typing emails to the publicity department, demanding autographed balls and photos. They never, ever want to forget their $40 million man.

- There’s a shakeup a-brewin’ in Golden State, and the fall guys look to be either Jason Richardson, Patrick O’Bryant, Mickael Pietrus, or 2007 Most Improved Player Monta Ellis. We have issues with anyone who’d consider moving ETB favorite Ellis. Yes, his playoff performance was anything but spectacular, but we’re talking about a 21-year-old kid in his first postseason. He’s electrifying, he’s got a ton of upside, he’s a keeper.

- After firing head coach Brian Hill (the right move), Orlando Magic GM Pat Smith thinks he has “one of the best sports franchises in the country” and “expects [his] team to win a championship.” Maybe so, but right now you have a man-child at center in Dwight Howard who still has a ways to go in developing his offensive game, and then… not much. Jameer Nelson is not the long-term answer at point guard, Darko is still a question mark and wants to get paid, and the jury is still out on Trevor Ariza. Am I missing anyone? J.J. Redick doesn’t count.

- Can anyone blame Vinny Testaverde for trying to earn a cool million while holding a clipboard for another year? He might be old, but the man is smart.

- Right, so, Michael Vick enjoys pitting dogs against each other in a battle to the death. Is it really that big of a deal? Aside from the shoddy morals, poor judgement, and cruelty to animals factors, of course.

- Jayson Stark for ESPN.com lists 10 of the most underrated professional baseball players. Houston Astros pitcher Roy Oswalt tops the list, which is funny because my ETB associate Andrew was just talking the guy up the other day before Oswalt’s duel with Tim Lincecum. Also nice to see the Detroit Tigers’ Placido Polanco clock in at #7; thus far in the season, Polanco is batting .333 with 1 HR, 26 RBIs, and .422 slugging percentage. The numbers don’t tell the whole story, though. He’s an extremely tough out, hardly ever strikes out, and is a steadying presence in the infield.

- When Jon Bon Jovi offers his full support in your quest to become the first female president of an Arena Football League franchise, you know you’re golden. That, or he’s just angling for an in to sing somewhere, anywhere, even if it’s just the national anthem.

- Statues outside Wrigley Field? Bugs & Cranks *hates* statues. That and listening to Ron Santo bitch.

- Someone else finally saw Lebron throw the ball at a woman sitting courtside at the Palace during Game 1 Monday night. It’s really not a *huge* deal, but we’re just a little miffed that no one on TNT’s announcing crew even mentioned it.

- Jason Maxiell goodness. (via True Hoop)

Push Mikhail through a sonar fence, watch him spit up blood, see him return with a vengeance. Beat the living snot out of Mikhail, see him scowl at you shortly after. Shoot Mikhail with a harpoon in the vicinity of his heart, then watch in horror as Mikhail swims by, smiles, waves, and pulls the pin on a grenade. Boom.

Perhaps the resurgence of Detroit Tigers slugger Magglio Ordonez isn’t quite as Teflon-tough as Lost’s favorite one-eyed Russian, but both have proven that injuries are not about to keep them down. Before suffering what most believed was a permanently career-debilitating injury to his left knee in 2004, Ordonez was one of the best-hitting outfielders in the majors, finishing with a batting average above .300 and over 29 homers and 99 ribbies for five straight seasons.

But then came the surgeries. Two of them. Then came the inevitable decline in on-field production. The Chicago White Sox decided they’d had enough, and allowed Ordonez to sign a lucrative five-year, $75 million free-agent deal with the Detroit Tigers. It was a considerable gamble, and one that early on looked like a bad one–in his first season, the injury bell again tolled, this time a hernia that sidelined him for about three months.

But like Mikhail, this setback proved to merely be a hurdle. Ordonez returned to form last season for the Tigers, batting .298 with 24 HRs and 104 RBIs and helping lead his team to the World Series. Thus far this season, the results are projecting to be even bigger and better. Through 45 games, Maggs is batting .345 with 12 HRs and 42 RBIs.

Last night, his two-homer game led the Tigers to their 28th victory of the season and vaulted them back into first place in the AL Central. “I’m feeling good. I’m seeing the ball really well and being very patient with my pitches,” Ordonez said. “I’m using the whole field again and not just pulling the ball.”

He might not be able to take a harpoon to the heart, but Magglio Ordonez has proven he can take a hit and keep on hitting.

- The “deepest NBA draft evah” took a hit today when Roy Hibbert, the 7-2 Georgetown center, decided to return to college for his senior season. His teammate Jeff Green just announced today that he’s staying. Dr. Hibbert would have been a lottery pick, but the financial bonus of going in the top five picks next season instead of the top 15 ultimately proved too tempting. Inch Brazil’s Tiago Splitter up the draft board.

- Speaking of the draft, soon-to-be-ex Memphis Grizzlies president Jerry West is absolutely thrilled his team dropped down to the fourth pick in the lottery. He’s relieved that management won’t have to decide between Oden and Durant, supportive of the NBA lottery format, and looks forward to spending his summer pitching pennies.

- A few days after publicly admonishing baseball and its handling of the steroid scandal–and basically admitting to taking them himself–a report has popped up that NY Yankees fat man-cum-slugger Jason Giambi tested positive for amphetamines sometime in the past year. I’m sure the timing of this leaked story has *nothing* to do with him hanging out MLB to dry. Nope, nothing.

- Ryan McNeill must have learned how to read people’s minds from a distance, because I couldn’t agree more with his great editorial column on Hoops Addict yesterday. The Canadian b-ball guru dismisses the “doom and gloom mentality” that’s permeated so many NBA fans and followers this postseason, and says that “if you can’t appreciate the great play currently underway in the playoffs, then maybe you should watch the NHL playoffs.” Oh, snap!

- Anyone else psyched about the two-hour season finale of Lost this evening? Big thanks to the NBA for not scheduling Game 2 of the Eastern Conference tonight. They want to see Jack die as much as we do.

- Two former Detroit Lions wide receivers are in the news today: one wants to fight, the other has apparently already fought. First, the now-retired Johnnie Morton–whom Lions’ GM Matt Millen once publicly called a “faggot” in one of the classiest moves of management history–has taken up mixed martial arts and is competing in those brutal UFC-style bouts. Take a wild guess as to who the one guy he really wants to get in the ring with is. Second, David Kircus–who slices a mean loaf of wheat bread–has apparently broken someone’s face.

- Stupid blisters! First Jeremy Bonderman, then Josh Beckett, and now Ben Sheets.

- Off Topic: we can’t decide if the better caption for this is “She’s only seven” or “USA! USA! USA!” There’s a few favorite moments from that clip, but mine are the slow motion footage around the couch and her mom aiding and abetting the gorging by actually picking up her daughter’s cup for her and pouring that liquidized cheesecake down her throat.

- Oh, right… the San Antonio Spurs beat the Utah Jazz again. It’s almost like we’re not really watching that series.

- Tim Lincecum has ETB’s fantasy baseball psycho Andrew singing Keith Urban’s “I Told You So.” He’s always been a fan of Urban’s traditional tones and catchy songs.

- Vince Carter wants to be paid $20 million a season for at least the next three years. No official word yet as to which drugs he must be consuming.

- Houston Rockets headcase Bonzi Wells thinks it was actually God who hired Rick Adelman as the new Rockets head coach. Everyone knows, however, that it’s apostle Bartholomew with the rooting interest in Houston, so don’t discount his influence.

- Yi Jianlian to the Boston Celtics? Makes sense to me. A lot of sense.

- Finally, we imagine this is kind of what Grizzlies fans (if there are any) must feel like right about now. Frustrated, exasperated, and helpless.

There isn’t a fantasy baseball player out there who couldn’t use a few more saves at this point in the season. It’s always a good feeling waking up in the morning and seeing a few ‘1’s in that ‘S’ column. Like the ever-elusive steal, we’ll use multiple positions on our roster just for the chance at a handful more. A month and a half into the season, several closers have already been injured or lost their jobs outright, generating new sources of saves. No doubt, those have already been scooped up in your league. ETB takes a look at nine situations that could keep you a step ahead in the chase for saves.

Chicago Cubs

The big news out of Chicago today is Lou Pinella’s announcement that current closer Ryan Dempster will become a starter in the coming weeks in a move to bolster the rotation. In the mean time, he has been asked to mentor 24-year-old Angel Guzman who will then take over the job. While Dempster has a mediocre 4.43 ERA, he has converted 9 of 10 save opportunities this year while posting a 1.03 WHIP and 21 Ks in 20.1 innings. That makes the timing of this seem a little bizarre, especially when you consider that Ryan hasn’t had an ERA under 4.00 as a starter since 2000.

Whatever, fantasy owners just want to own the guy who finishes games for the Cubs. Anybody who owns Dempster should be handcuffing Guzman to him immediately. Guzman had a 7.39 ERA in 56 innings last season, but he does have the stuff to finish games. The only question is, does he have the mental makeup?

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- Pick one: Bo Jackson, Barry Sanders, or the entire Houston Oilers receiving corps. It’d be pretty sweet if the good folks who are bringing back Tecmo Bowl (!!) incorporated all the Tecmo stars of yesteryear into some sort of archives, but I’ll just say “fat chance” to those hopes. Whether or not this incantation of the Nintendo game (which gave guys now aged 25 – 34 calloused thumbs for years) turns out to be any good remains to be seen. For the record, my ETB associate Andrew maintains that no one–NO ONE–can beat him. Question: does that include games with the “you can’t control the nose tackle” rule in effect?

- The Big Picture gets all Being John Malkovich in a wide-ranging interview with True Hoop’s Henry Abbott, where the ace NBA blogger dishes on his work habits, how he ended up under the ESPN umbrella, and his prediction for NBA Finals champ.

- Stop Mike Lupica has a lengthy diatribe about the possibility of Jermaine O’Neal ending up in a Knicks uniform next season. Personally, I don’t think O’Neal has proven himself to be a franchise cornerstone during his tenure with the Pacers, but for some reason, I like the guy’s game and think he would flourish on a team that wouldn’t rely on him to put up 25 and 10 night in, night out. Health issues for sure, but his shot-blocking abilities would pair well with Eddy Curry. Isiah, you know you want to move Channing Frye…

- Next time your high-school track coach invites you over for an athletic massage, and you feel something warm running down your back, don’t assume that it’s just massage oil.

- 464 MLB players were asked who the friendliest guy in the league is. No one was allowed to vote for a teammate (or presumably for themselves, Barry Bonds), and when the final results were tallied up, no single player earned more than 7% of the vote–except for the winner. Representing Motown as the starting first baseman for the Detroit Tigers, we give you Sean Casey, who received a whopping 46% of the vote.

- Um… honestly, you can fill in your own joke.

- Bugs & Cranks has our favorite baseball article of the day, and it’s not just because they reminded us of that infamous, sought-after-and-now-forgotten Billy Ripken Fleer card with “fuck face” scrawled across the bat handle. For their Worst Team Ever, they’ve assembled a truly moribund roster of big-leaguers who sucked and big-leaguers who were even suckier. Nice work gentlemen.

- Antonio McDyess really, really wants a NBA championship ring. Dice, I strongly urge you to do your part in making that happen by registering a double-double this evening against those upstart Bulls.

- Speaking of the Pistons/Bulls series, memo to whichever three gentlemen are officiating the game tonight: let them play. Let both teams play their respective games and let the chips fall where they may. Don’t whistle the ticky-tack flops and don’t let free throws decide the game.

- One writer sounds like he’s about to pull out all his f*@ing hair if he sees one more f!*king flop by f%#king Kurt f*%king Thomas! Here’s why: “It’s the screen where Nash takes a step-back dribble away from the screen and the defender rolls around Thomas and he invariably sticks his behind out to give Nash that split-second extra to beat his defender off the dribble. Thomas must be the butt of Phoenix film session jokes and endless practice court imitations.”

- Have you checked out and joined Ballhype yet? To quote Dutch, from Predator: “Do it! Do it now! I’m here!”

- The announcement of an all-new Tecmo Bowl got us feeling all nostalgic about back in the day when you’d sleep over at your friend’s house and stay up until 4am, blowing the dust out of the Nintendo over and over and over. To bring it all home, here’s this incredible homage to those long gone days. Unless you’re a huge Weezer fan, we recommend turning the sound down a little bit. Awesome.

- We love mock drafts, even though it’s a lot of work for something that becomes irrelevant the day of the actual draft. The best mocks, however, have in-depth scouting reports about each player, and that info is invaluable for fans who aren’t up on the collegiate and/or international scene (like us). That’s one reason you should check out the Hoops Addict 2007 NBA Mock Draft. We have *no* idea what they were smoking to predict Oden and Durant to go 1 and 2, respectively, however…

- Apparently some Cleveland Cavalier vets are unhappy with their playing time, and might demand trades this summer. I’m sure Danny Ferry would love to move Ira Newble, Damon Jones, and Donyell Marshall. The problem is that you can’t trade them to the D-League, where they belong.

- It’s gut check time for Kupchak. The Lakers’ GM has a lot on his table this summer: deciding what to do about free agent Luke Walton, trying to upgrade the roster, and appeasing his increasingly pissed-off superstar Kobe Bryant.

- Even Pennsylvania’s governer doesn’t like the Kevin Kolb pick. That’s fine, but taxpayers aren’t paying you for opinions about the NFL Draft. If I want Eagles analysis, I’ll ask the guy who spreads plain tofu on my multi-grain bagel.

- Don’t count out the Minnesota Twins just yet, but the Central Division is probably the best in baseball, top to bottom, and they need to pick it up fast lest they play catch up all summer with the Tigers and Indians. The hitting should eventually come around, and dropping Sidney Ponson should help the pitching. Joe Mauer’s return can’t come soon enough.

- What’s going on in Green Bay? Brett Favre, the self-made Messiah of Cheesehead Country, puts off retirement yet again, but how do the Pack show their gratitude at not being forced to play Aaron Rodgers? First, they ignore pressing needs on offense–especially at running back–by reaching for DT Justin Harrell in the first round. Then they let Randy Moss end up in New England when they definitely could have had him. Those moves didn’t exactly make Favre giddy about his team’s prospects for success.

- Former Detroit Lions bust Smokey the Bear Charles Rogers doesn’t have to explain what happened to $10.184 million of his signing bonus just yet. Starving for victories of any kind, the Leos are taking Rogers to court in an attempt to recoup that amount for violating the league’s substance-abuse policy, but the trial has been delayed again. Asked what he would do with the unexpected free time, Rogers told reporters, “Uh, what do you think I’m gonna do?”

- Never thought we’d say this, but kudos to Steve Kerr for his short column about John Paxson and his refusal to give up at least two key components of his team for the overrated, perpetually bitchy Pau Gasol: “Gasol is a nice player, but let’s look at the facts. His Grizzlies teams made the playoffs three years in a row and got swept each time. That gives him an 0-12 playoff record. And what about this season’s Memphis squad? If Gasol is dominant enough to handle the Pistons’ front line, then how come he couldn’t help keep the Grizzlies from amassing more losses than any team outside the state of Massachusetts?”

- Sports Quote of the Week, courtesy of Mr. Rasheed Wallace: “As we chopped it down,” he mentioned of the lead and the Bulls, “them butt holes got tighter and tighter.” (via USA Today).

- Finally, once upon a time (1982-83, to be exact) the Chicago Cubs employed a manager by the name of Lee Elia. This R-rated audio from one of his early-season press conferences is a classic Manager Meltdown Hall of Fame Moment. I think he was just a little pissed off that day.

- Excuse the gentlemen over at Detroit Bad Boys for gloating a little bit over the Pistons’ amazing second-half comeback last night in Chicago. Despite the funeral parlor mood in the ESPN announcing booth after the Pistons decided to resume whooping the Bulls, this was a truly impressive display of talented veterans, on the road, never getting rattled and sticking to their guns. They won this game despite scoring a putrid 28 points in the first half (yes, 28, that’s not a typo). They won despite being down by as many as 19 points in the second half. And they won despite Chris Webber’s worst game of the playoffs. Detroit Bad Boys compares last night’s game to Glass Joe vs. Little Mac. Good stuff. The Pistons look to sweep Sunday afternoon.

- They might not be great NBA GMs, but Kevin McHale and Larry Bird apparently can roll joints with the best of ‘em. In a recent interview in Blender Magazine, John Mellencamp had this to say about his love for basketball: “I’ve known Larry Bird since we were kids. When he was on the Celtics and I was playing in Boston, he and Kevin McHale would come to my dressing room after the show and smoke me under the table.”

- So, Dirk is going to accept the NBA’s MVP award next week at a Dallas press conference. We don’t really have much to say about this other than that’s going to be one depressing event. Will Mark Cuban be there, and if so, will he say something to steal the limelight?

- We’ve been to a few NY Yankees games over the years–when the Detroit Tigers are in town, of course–and it’s about time someone called out the patriotic silliness of the 7th Inning Stretch. It always feels a little creepy, a little too nationalist, and it’s time for this “tradition” to end.

- Oops, he did it again. Just when you thought you and yours were safe from Tony Parker, rap artist, he’s back on the scene with another single/video. We assumed that since his make-up caked fiance Eva Longoria was seen sucking on a lollipop in his first mistake that, maybe, she’d up the ante and, I don’t know, just go for broke with a cucumber. Nope.

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