Empty the Bench

By Brian Spencer

On Tuesday, August 31, the dons of Empty the Bench joined friends and peers for the annual football nerd-out fest that is the ETB Fantasy Football League Draft. This year’s draft was one of the most challenging, stressful test of wills to date with 12 teams, 15 rounds of picks, and no kickers to thin the field out. Over the next few days we’ll reveal the results team by team, and take a quick look at how each one fared; compare and contrast with your league, and let us know your take in the comments section.

Disclaimer: many of our team names are lewd, childish, and downright stupid. We make no apologies for this.

Team:

Tequila Mockingbirds (Picked Fifth Overall)

The Picks

1. (5) Frank Gore, RB, San Francisco 49ers
2. (20) Tony Romo, QB, Dallas Cowboys
3. (29) DeSean Jackson, WR, Philadelphia Eagles
4. (44) Chad Ochocinco, WR, Cinncinnati Bengals
5. (53) Beanie Wells, RB, Arizona Cardinals
6. (68) Felix Jones, RB, Dallas Cowboys
7. (77) Owen Daniels, TE, Houston Texans
8. (92) Michael Bush, RB, Oakland Raiders
9. (101) Devin Aromashodu, WR, Chicago Bears
10. (116) Green Bay, Team Defense
11. (125) Devin Thomas, WR, Washington Redskins
12. (140) Brian Westbrook, RB, San Francisco 49ers
13. (149) Legedu Naanee, WR, San Diego Chargers
14. (164) Toby Gerhart, RB, Minnesota Vikings
15. (173) Jeremy Shockey, TE, New Orleans Saints

Best Value:

Beanie Wells, RB, Arizona Cardinals: Is the Cardinals offense going to be a total shitshow? That real possibility is weighing heavily on the draft value of Larry Fitzgerald and Beanie Wells, both of whom are becoming increasingly available much later than they were, say, 2 weeks ago. Still, even with a bottom-dweller starting quarterback, and despite the lingering presence of Tim Hightower, the second-year back out of Ohio State should significantly improve on the 793 rushing yards, 143 receiving yards, and 7 TDs he posted in his rookie season. The key here is durability, as well as the Cardinals offensive line coming together fast–they only return one starter in the same position from last season.

Biggest Reach:

Devin Thomas, WR, Washington Redskins: This “revamped” Redskins offense has the potential to surprise or to fall flat on its face, though we’re predicting the latter given the lack of positive vibes coming out of training camp. New QB Donovan McNabb is already dinged up and could miss some time, new head coach Mike Shanahan is already up to his old, tired mind tricks, Clinton Portis is still somehow the starting RB, and Thomas leads a pack of talented, if completely unproven wideouts behind Santana Moss. We all know that third-year WRs have a knack for breaking out, though, so you never know. Ben Roethlisberger would have been an excellent value pick here.

(Note: Apparently Tequila agrees, as Thomas has already found his way back onto waivers in favor of Chad Henne. Good move here.)

ETB’s Take:

True to his comments below, starting with the second round the tension was palpable almost every time Tequila was on the clock… a clock which he often squeezed dry of its allotted 1:30 minutes. Still, though things didn’t go according to plan, we’re not ready to write off last year’s runner-up.

Jackson and Ochofuckingcinco need to at least match their respective fantasy production from last year, though, and neither is a given: Philly is breaking in a new, unproven QB, while the Bengals will continue to run first, pass second… and when they pass, The Player Formerly Known as Chad Johnson now has Terrell Owens and intriguing rookie tight end Jermaine Gresham to compete with for looks.

Questions at running back after Gore and Wells, which should be a very strong tandem: how will the backfield situation play out in Dallas with Felix Jones, Marion Barber, and Tashard Choice? How long will Michael Bush be sidelined (and does it even matter)? Owen Daniels could be a steal in the 7th round, but he might not pay dividends until the second month or so of the season as he works his way back from injury.

We expect Tequila to be fielding and floating trade offers early, as well as to be investing a fair amount of his waiver budget on hot pickups early in the season. Having the roster flexibility that comes with drafting so many fliers can definitely be viewed as an advantage.

Comments from Tequila Mockingbirds after the break…

Team Manager Comments:

My draft was yet another in a long line of best laid plans gone awry. With the fifth pick, I was intent on picking RB-WR-WR-QB, and was sure nobody was as high on Miles Austin as I was. After picking Gore, I was all set for Austin in Round 2, but Mr. Opper snagged him right in front of me; really threw me because I didn’t want to spend a second round pick on Fitzgerald or Marshall. So I went Romo, who I expect huge things from and knew I had to go WR-WR in next two rounds.

I really, really hoped that meant Greg Jennings and Steve Smith (Car); instead it meant boom-or-bust Jackson and Ochofuckingcinco. That might be the season right there. I got back on track in Rounds 5-6, 8 with Wells, Jones, and Bush–great value, I think, for those rounds; couldn’t pass them up, but it meant I would have to chase crappy WRs the rest of the draft.

Round 7 saw the inexplicable TE run, in which I landed Owen Daniels–very unusual for me to choose injured players. If he’s at full strength by Week 3, it’s a great pick, a top tier TE when healthy. If he plays 20 snaps a game until Week 8, well… Shockey better have reinvented himself.

My remaining WRs reflect the “well, I just need 1 of these guys to be decent” strategy, which is to say, no strategy at all: Aromadoshu, Thomas, Naanee. Not thrilled with spending a high pick on Green Bay defense, either, with them playing Martz and Favre each twice a year.

Bottom line, the Austin pick threw me into a tailspin from which I never quite recovered.

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