Empty the Bench

Tom Brady Photo Credit: Robert E. Klein/Icon SMI

The fantasy football season can be a long and trying process. For the bulk of us, it’s one slap in the face after another from a roster of misfits that don’t seem to give two shits about the blood, sweat, and tears we’re pouring into this. In fact, sometimes I could swear Torry Holt dropped that pass just to fuck with me.

Sure, four to six teams float around the top of the heap all season and earn a chance to compete for glory and financial gain in the fantasy playoffs. The rest of us get sea hammocked. Repeatedly. The sea hammock is a maneuver so offensive no man should ever perpetrate it upon another (unless it has been specifically asked for, and even then a “Are you sure about this?” is in order).

We’ve phased some of the daily fantasy football content out of ETB this season, but rest assured we’re still managing multiple teams. And that means we’re still getting sea hammocked on a near-weekly basis.

The Sea Hammock of the Week for fantasy football’s kickoff weekend comes courtesy of one Tom Brady. After the finest statistical season in NFL history, Mr. Brady was atop everyone’s QB Rankings during draft season. His 4,806 passing yards 50 TD tosses with just 8 INTs led just about all of his owners into the fantasy postseason a year ago. He was a safe bet. Forget about that Week 15 egg from last year: with Wes Welker and Randy Moss still in tow, Brady was the rare quarterback worthy of a top-5 selection this season.

Tom Brady was a rock-solid pick.

But there’s one thing fantasy football, the bitch harpy that it is, will never let you forget: there’s no such thing as a “safe bet” or a “rock-solid pick.” Tom Brady’s final line on Sunday (and for the season): 7-of-11 for 76 yards, 0 TDs and 1 torn ACL.

Sorry Tom Brady owners: you just got sea hammocked.