Empty the Bench

There will be no moustache rides at 20 Second Timeout Central. Not for a while, at least. The Pin-the-Moustache Game has been shut down. All upcoming DVD signings at 70s porno conventions have been either postponed or canceled. It’s a somber day in the blogosphere, one of quiet reflection as we all contemplate the resolve and sacrifice of our compatriot Mr. David Freidman. David is the curator of one of the most consistently well-written and insightful NBA blogs on the internet, 20 Second Timeout. He is one of the most avid Kobe Bryant (and by extension Lakers) fans you will ever meet. Over the years David has also become known for something else, a personal source of pride: his impeccable, beautiful moustache.

But David has shaved his proud, signature lady tickler in an ascetic gesture of solidarity with his Laker fan brethren. He has salted the earth of his upper lip and declared that no fanny duster may grow there until his Lakers triumphantly hoist the Larry O’Brien NBA Championship Trophy.

It’s perhaps the most bold act of fandom this blogger has ever witnessed, and we only hope his writing skills won’t disappear like the strength of Sampson in the interim. It was more than merely waking up and performing the casual stubble removal many of us undertake each morning. Going from a mustachioed stallion to a man bereft of facial hair is a very serious undertaking. Moustache culture is an integral part of any mustachioed man’s life, from the denim jackets to the leisure suits to the swingers parties. All of that and more must be set aside.

This nose neighbor was a defining and symbolic element of a persona, of an identity. The carefully manicured whiskers would put many a topiary artist to shame with their pristine and defined curves. It was no less than a work of art, one that seemed to say, “Baby, my mood ring is turning pink. Care to check out my van?”

We can only hope that the Los Angeles Lakers and Kobe Bryant are quick to dispatch with those vile Boston Celtics. The sun shining on the blog world simply won’t be as bright until they do. One silent figure has been holding a candlelight vigil since the day Mr. Freidman’s capricious, signature facial hair was shorn. We are with him in spirit.

So here’s to you, David’s mustache, wherever you are. We hope you make a speedy return to your rightful place at 20 Second Timeout . . . and in our hearts.

Go Lakers. Godspeed.

Related: Postcards from LA, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers, Boston Celtics

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