Empty the Bench

We’re all about the ballsy predictions here at ETB. We’re always analyzing and second-guessing other “expert” picks, but we’ll put our balls on the table, too. Crystal balls. Yes, you may see them. Look with your eyes, not with your hands though. Only we can harness the power of these magical balls. In the days leading up to Sunday’s NFL action, we both gaze into the void, transcend this earthly plane, feel the force and post the daring predictions that present themselves.

They’re probably all going to come true, but one or two of them may not. You had better believe we’ll be bragging about them when we nail it. Repeatedly. In your fat, supple face. And if/when we miss, it’ll be like it never happened. You’ll forget about it. Hey, look at me–you will forget about our misses.

It’s the latest edition of ETB’s NFL Crystal Ball, where we never pull a Homer Simpson.

Andrew’s Predictions:

1. It’s going to be an old-fashioned shootout in the Big Easy this weekend. Without Adrian Wilson, the Cards secondary got torn to ribbons by Seattle last week, giving up 272 yards and 4 TDs. Drew Brees is on fire and should have no trouble finding the endzone and racking up yards. On the other side, Jason David and the Saints secondary haven’t been able to stop anybody all year and Arizona will throw all game after getting down early. The Saints and Cardinals combine for 700 yards passing and 6 passing TDs.

2. We’ve been begging and pleading for Jerious Norwood to get more involved in the Atlanta Falcons gameplan for almost two years now. He led the NFL with 6.4 YPC last season, and yet only got 99 carries. With Warrick Dunn aging and no longer effective, we figured it would change this year and yet Norwood hasn’t received double-digit carries in any game this season. There’s no way new Atlanta HC Emmitt Thomas can be as stubborn as Bobby Petrino, and Norwood get 15 carries and finishes with over 100 total yards for the third time this year.

3. We were all about the Cincinnati Bungles defense in Week 2 when they played the Browns, and they cracked a few eggs on our face by giving up 51 points at Derek Anderson’s coming out party. Still, despite giving up points all season they have generated 30 takeaways and 2 TDs on defense. This week they go into San Francisco and play against an offense that’s an absolute mess. The 49ers are also starting Shaun Hill at QB, a guy who is supposedly worse than Trent Dilfer, as hard as that is to fathom. Mark the Bungles down for 3 sacks, 1 fumble recovery, 2 INTs and 1 TD.

Jerious Norwood Photo Credit: Todd Kirkland/Icon SMI

4. Cleo Lemon is back, and ready to cough the ball up a few times. Those who start the Baltimore defense are rewarded with 2 TDs.

5. We talked about Rowdy Roddy White in last week’s Crystal Ball, and he came through with a 33-yard TD and 75 yards receiving. The kid is growing on us, but we see a rough game ahead. The 2005 first-round pick was held to 4 receptions for 28 yards against Tampa Bay in Week 11. The Tampa-2 defense is designed to keep receivers underneath, and will mitigate Roddy’s explosiveness. To make matters worse, White is dealing with a knee injury that has limited him all week. Playing on a short week in these circumstances, Rowdy Roddy will once again have his worst week of the season against Tampa.

6. Is it too late to predict a big game for Brandon Marshall? Damn. Ok, well the Kansas City defense has showed signs of packing it in recently for their 4-9 squad, and Jeff Fisher showed that when everybody is healthy, LenDale White is his featured RB. Stay Puft puts up a solid effoert with 22 carries for 90 yards and 1 TD.

7. The Chicago Bears rush defense is a shadow of its former self. They’re giving up 123.2 rushing yards a game and have let up 14 rushing scores, third-most in the NFL. On the road against the Vikings offense that racks up the most rushing yards a game (172.2) and has the most rushing touchdowns (18) it’s gonna be ugly. The Viqueens run for 200 yards and 2 TDs.

8. It’s going to be a tough game to watch on Sunday Night Football, and the Redskins make a closer game of it than they have any business doing. The Giants squeak by: 18-13.

9. A nor’easter is hitting Foxboro just when fantasy owners need the Pats passing game the most. All those pretenders in your fantasy leagues who rode Tom Brady’s coattails all season long, relied on him too heavily and didn’t build a quality roster around Brady will get washed away.

10. Reader Special: Loyal ETB Reader and Commenter Jon Jon Mackey serves up a Reader Prediction for the Fantasy Playoffs : There is now 14 games of data to analyze, and we know the Cleveland Browns suck at stopping wide receivers. The Bills/Browns game is a must win for both teams, and they will be holding nothing back. Lee Evans will add to his December mystique by breaking off 2 receiving touchdowns of 40 yards or longer. With neither defense pretty on paper, this will be a high scoring game. Browns 35, Bills 28.

Brian’s Predictions:

Photo Credit: James D. Smith/Icon SMI

1. Like Randy Moss on Monday Night Football, Terrell Owens always has some extra oomph in his game whenever he faces off against a former team. With Donovan McNabb sullenly watching from the sideline, Owens goes off for the second time this season on Philly: 9 receptions, 145 yards, 2 TDs.

2. The St. Louis Rams don’t have it in them to slow down Ryan Grant, who’s led the NFL in rushing yards since the midway point of the season. He was kind to me last week in the Week 14 Crystal Ball, so I’ll ride this hoss again: 24 carries, 137 yards rushing, 21 yards receiving, 1 TD.

3. I don’t know which I want to see happen more: the Miami Dolphins go 0-16, or the Baltimore Ravens go down in history as the only team the 2007 Dolphins beat. I think the latter, but the Crystal Ball says otherwise: the Ravens (barely) save face by escaping Miami with a narrow six-point win that isn’t decided until the final stanza.

4. He’s really let us down this season after coming on strong in ‘06, but Chargers WR Vincent Jackson has shown (small) signs of life in recent weeks and draws the Detroit Lions, who field one of the league’s most generous secondaries. Whether it’s Philip Rivers or Billy Volek behind center, Jackson will finish with 5 catches, 78 yards, and 1 TD.

5. Who would have guessed that a Week 15 matchup between the Buffalo Bills and Cleveland Browns would have big-time playoff implications for both teams? If this one is in upstate New York the Bills walk away victorious, but the Browns win by 13 at the Dawg Pound on the back of two Jamal Lewis touchdowns.

6. Now in his third season, Atlanta Falcons’ WR Roddy White has been one of the few bright spots in an otherwise forgettable season. He’s in the midst of three-week scoring streak in which he’s also not dipped below 75 yards receiving. It’s not a great matchup, but both runs continue: 5 receptions, 87 yards, 1 TD.

7. One of ETB’s favorite young backs, NY Giants bruiser Brandon Jacobs, hasn’t scored a rushing touchdown since all the way back in Week 7. His opponent, the Washington Redskins, have been pretty stingy against the ground game this season (94.8/per), but they didn’t see Jacobs the first time these teams met. He won’t top 100 yards–give him somewhere around 82–but he finally runs one into the endzone.

8. Big Ben Roethlisberger is currently considered questionable with a sore shoulder, though backup Charlie Batch said he’s relatively certain Ben will get the starting nod against Jacksonville. This prediction is effectively rendered moot if he does indeed start, but if he’s inactive, the 9-4 Jaguars head home Sunday night 10-4.

9. This is finally the week that Carson Palmer snaps out of it and hangs 4 TD passes on his opponent, right? I mean, it’s the freekin’ San Francisco 49ers we’re talking about. Well, no, it just ain’t gonna happen. Palmer lays another rotten egg (relative to him) on his fantasy owners lucky enough to have survived his horrid effort the past two weeks: 21-35, 225 yards, 2 TDs, 2 INTs. Yawn.

10. My only fantasy team still in the hunt for a title is over in The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes league, as my well-rested squad of studs returns from a first-round bye to take on the major chumps over at Pacifist Viking. Look, they’re nice enough guys over there at PV, but facts are facts: I’m fielding a bonafide fantasy juggernaut that cannot be stopped. Behind herculean efforts from Reggie Wayne, Mr. LaDainian Tomlinson, and (to rub salt in the wounds) Purple Jesus, I stomp my way to the finals.