Empty the Bench

There’s no ducking it–the fantasy playoffs are almost upon us, which means some of you are prepping for a title run, and many of you will be clocking out of this year’s fantasy season in two weeks or so. Either way, it’s your grave responsibility to keep up on the NFL Players Stock Market, and wouldn’t you know it, we’re still learning about a bunch of players twelve weeks in.

On this holiday week, ETB brings you the latest gridiron heroes and zeroes from Week 11 to assist your fantasy shucking and jiving in Week 12. Don’t forget to set your roster accordingly for the three games on Thanksgiving and, of course, to celebrate the holiday by stepping on your opponent’s neck.

Big Gainers:

D.J. Hackett, WR, Seattle Seahawks: Wow. We knew this kid had some serious upside, but he’s exceeding all expectations in Seattle’s new pass-happy offense. Since missing six games (and being knocked out early in the team’s opener), Hackett has caught 23 passes for 295 yards and 3 TDs over his past three. That includes 9 for 136 and a TD against the once-vaunted Bears pass defense on Sunday. Matt Hasselbeck has now attempted at least 40 passes in four of his past five games, and that massive volume bodes well for Hackett’s ability to keep this up. If he’s still somehow available on waivers (like he was in The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes League), get him. Now.

Andre Johnson, WR, Houston Texans: We touted him as a marquee “Buy Low” player throughout his extended injury, and now you see why. Johnson has established himself as an elite fantasy WR when healthy, catching 20 passes for 382 yards and 4 TDs in just three games. Johnson is a must-start this week against the Browns, but he has some tough matchups after that for pretty much the rest of the season. It’s hard to believe Johnson is already in his fifth NFL season, but we think his best is yet to come. Matt Schaub has proven that he’s a very capable quarterback, and these two should make significant noise together in the years to come… strictly on the football field, of course.

Chester Taylor, RB, Minnesota Vikings: It didn’t take long to forget that Chester was a serviceable RB2 for all of last season, finishing the ‘06 season with 1,504 total yards, 6 TDs and 42 receptions. After being foolishly dropped in many leagues, he was the hot add of the week. It was a foregone conclusion that he would post useful stats against the decrepit Oakland rush defense on Sunday, but he was better than advertised: 22 rushes for 164 yards and 3 TDs on the ground and 3 receptions for 38 more yards. Hell, if it wasn’t for those absurd shenanigans from Terrell Owens, Tom Brady and Randy Moss, he would have been the highest scoring player in fantasy football this week.

As we mentioned in The Hangover, this Minnesota offensive line is probably the best run-blocking unit in the NFL. Basically, whoever starts for the Vikings at RB is worth starting for your fantasy team. Adrian Peterson has all but been declared out for Week 12, so Taylor owners have at least one more week to start Taylor with confidence. With the Vikings’ season basically in the toilet though, it wouldn’t surprise us if AD is held out for a while and limited when he returns, so Taylor could potentially be a strong start versus Detroit and at San Fran the following two weeks.

Randy Moss, WR, New England Patriots: And just when you thought his stock couldn’t get any higher, he goes out and toys with an entire opposing defense, catching four touchdown passes without breaking a sweat. There were two incomplete passes that could have easily ended up as scores as well. We’re watching one of the NFL’s all-time greats at the (new) peak of his career, and regardless of how you personally feel about him or his team, you have to admit that watching Moss perform in this offense is a rare treat. The Patriots are 10-0, Moss has 66 catches for 1,052 yards and 16 TDs, and he still gets PHI, NYJ, MIA, and NYG. Good God.

Kansas City DEF: Hey, these guys are pretty good, eh? I’d say holding Indianapolis to a narrow 13-10 victory on a last-second FG, on the road, constitutes a significant accomplishment. I know Indy is banged up, but it was still a gutty performance, and one that moved the Chiefs into the top dozen fantasy DEFs on the season. That means they’re worth owning, especially with contests against the Raiders, Chargers, Broncos, Titans and Lions on the docket for the remainder of the fantasy season. That championship week contest against the Lions offense, which leads the NFL in turnovers and sacks allowed, looks especially juicy. If you stream defenses, it might be time to cut bait with a backup wideout and grab the defense you can feel good about starting Week 16.

David Garrard, QB, Jacksonville Jaguars: He’s not posting huge fantasy stats, but making it through seven starts this season with a 104.6 rating and 0 INTs is an impressive accomplishment no matter how you slice it– especially for a guy known for his arm and legs more than his poise and experience. Garrard returned to action on Sunday and posted a decent 189 yards passing and 2 TDs (this team likes to run the ball) against a beatable Chargers secondary. As long as he’s starting for the Jags and playing near mistake-free football, Garrard deserves to be on somebody’s bench as a backup QB.

Maurice Morris, RB, Seattle Seahawks: Everybody has known for a long time that Alexander has basically lost it, but most of us thought the lack of quality options meant Shaun would continue to shoulder the load despite his ineffectiveness. After all, Maurice Morris didn’t exactly set the world on fire in his eight starts last season, going for 0 TDs, 6 receptions, and 59.3 yards rushing a game. Then again, the offensive line was in a sorry state during that stretch and the passing game wasn’t clicking like it is now. In his two starts over the last two weeks, Morris has posted a more impressive 87.0 yards a game and 2 TDs. With this offense rolling, Morris should be owned in most leagues and could be called on heavily down the stretch if Alexander falters again upon his return.

Devard Darling, WR, Baltimore Ravens: We don’t know who he is either, but the Ravens passing game has been so prolifically bad that anytime a WR on this team not named Mason crosses the century mark, it’s worth noting. We’re not saying you should pick him up–in fact, don’t–but let’s at least give it up for the guy for just this week. Drafted in the third round back in ‘04, Darling came into Sunday with just 4 catches for 31 yards and 0 TDs in his career. If anything else, he’ll always have his Week 11 effort against Cleveland to tell the grandkids about: 4 receptions, 107 yards, and a score. Here’s to you, Devard. And be sure to make some backup copies of the game tape.

Big Losers:

Donovan McNabb, QB, Philadelphia Eagles: Twelve weeks into the fantasy season, McNabb is vying for the dubious honor of most appearances in our weekly Stock Report. That’s not a good thing. McNabb has thrown 4 TDs and O INTs in two games this season, prompting a bump in his stock. In every other game McNabb has thrown 0 or 1 TDs and thrown 6 total INTs. Building a team for your fantasy playoffs is all about consistency, and when your QB is more likely to lay an egg than throw for multiple touchdowns you’re just not going to win. To make matters worse, he now has a balky ankle and was roundly outperformed by his backup AJ Feely on Sunday. McNabb still has a fantastic matchup in Week 16 in New Orleans, but are you going to have the confidence to start him even then?

Kevin Jones, RB, Detroit Lions: We’ve been high on KJ ever since he resumed full-time starter duties for the Leos, but these last two weeks have been simply disastrous. Over this stretch, he’s totaled just 15 carries for 21 yards (including a goal-line TD) to go with 11 receptions for 50 yards. Mike Martz has completely abandoned the running game, which apparently isn’t sitting well with some coaches in Detroit. Jones’ fantasy owners can’t be pleased either, though he hasn’t been running with the same burst he had been when he has gotten the ball, to be fair to Martz. With the Lions facing the stout Packers on Thursday, and the team’s offense somewhat in disarray, you have better options this week. Bench him.

Todd Heap, TE, Baltimore Ravens: You’re making us sad, Todd. Like someone pissed in our Apple Jacks sad. Like Andy Millman just got banned from the BAFTAs sad. You make us this sad, Todd, despite neither of the Empty the Bench Godfathers ever taking the risk of owning you on our fantasy squad. It’s nothing personal, Todd–you’re probably a nice guy, and when you’re unquestionably healthy you provide a pretty consistent, upper-tier level of production at your position. It’s the on and off the injury report stuff that would drive us bonkers, and this season, you’ve been on it and stayed on it more often than usual, unfortunately. You just missed your fifth out of the last six games, you’ve only scored once all year, and your backup, a guy named Quinn Sypniewski, is proving at least capable. And in the early stages of this week, you are again questionable. That’s no way to treat your fantasy owners, Todd. No way indeed.

Frank Gore, RB, San Francisco 49ers: Roll out the red carpet for Gore–he’s officially been inducted into our 2007 All-Fantasy Bust Team after toting the pigskin 15 times for a measly 32 yards at home against the below-average Rams rush defense. On average the fifth running back to come off the board this year in Yahoo! fantasy drafts (behind Shaun Alexander, who was fourth), Gore has battled various injuries dating back to training camp and just can’t seem to shake ‘em. We’re still waiting on him to rush for more than 88 yards in a single game, and he hasn’t scored since Week 2, which must feel like eons ago to his owners.

Willie Parker, RB, Pittsburgh Steelers: Fast Willie has already broken 1,000 total yards, he’s second in the NFL with 925 yards on the ground and he leads the NFL by a wide margin in carries with 233. So what are we bitching about? The two total touchdowns on the year, and a measly 52 yards rushing, 0 receptions and 0 TDs against the lowly Jets D. The Steelers in general dropped the ball, but it’s pretty embarrassing to get outperformed by Thomas Jones and manage just 2.5 YPC against one of the NFL’s absolute worst defenses. Parker is on pace for more carries and yards than his breakout campaign from last year, but he has absolutely no chance of matching the 16 total TDs from a year ago. He’s got Miami on tap next week, followed by Cincinnati and then St. Louis in Week 16 so there is time for Parker to make it up to his owners, but the time is nigh.

Peyton Manning, QB, Indianapolis Colts: Apparently “America loves him,” but his fantasy owners probably aren’t too thrilled with their franchise quarterback after a third-straight lackluster effort. This season has been defined by high-profile busts at every position but TE, and Peyton is joining the list at the worst possible time. He now has 7 INTs and just 1 TD his his last two games, and 6 TDs and 9 INTs in the last five. He only has 16 TD tosses on the season, just one more than his brother. Injuries to key offensive players have played a large part in his performance, but the fact is Peyton just hasn’t been playing very well. His matchups aren’t terrible down the stretch, but they’re not great either and any owner depending on Manning to carry their squad might be left high and dry.

Brian Billick, Head Coach, Baltimore Ravens: We’ve officially petitioned every major dictionary manufacturer with the request to insert both Brian Billick’s name and mugshot with the term “Sour Grapes” after his embarrassing tirade on Sunday. We’ve also petitioned for the world “Bellicky” be added to the lexicon, defined as: Bellicky (bel-LICK-y) (Adj.) Becoming absurdly incredulous, smug and pissy when faced with your our failures.