Empty the Bench

- Willie Parker enjoyed a massive 2006 with 1,700 total yards and 16 total TDs, but he finished with 70 yards or less rushing in seven games and failed to score in six games. That inconsistency and his diminutive stature are the only reasons he wasn’t a consensus top-6 pick in drafts. Well, he’s likely to surpass his 2006 stats this season and outproduce his 9th overall ADP. This week new HC Mike Tomlin declared, “We’re going to ride Willie until the wheels come off . . . He’s game for that, he’s in great physical condition, he wants the ball, he’s a competitor and he’s showing he’s capable of doing that.”

In the preseason Tomlin also suggested that Parker would stay on the field more in third-down and goal-line situations. Early indications show Tomlin means it with Parker on a 400-carry pace. The Steelers’ new spread offense has also been a big success thus far, keeping the offense on the field more than last season.

In redraft leagues this is nothing but good news for Parker owners, but for keeper league owners it may be cause for concern. The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette goes on to point out the “Curse of 370″ which is backed by decades of statistical evidence and stipulates that “a running back with 370 or more carries during the regular season will usually suffer either a major injury or loss of effectiveness the following year, unless he is named Eric Dickerson.” And that, friends, is a big part of why I said on draft day that I wouldn’t touch Larry Johnson until the second round after his record-setting 416-carry, 457-touch season.

- The Star-Ledger is saying that while Chad Pennington will start for the Jets in Week 3, he “could be facing a quick hook following the fourth-quarter performance of [Kellen] Clemens last week.” Rightfully so. Pennington just doesn’t have what it takes anymore in terms of health, confidence, physical passing ability or decision making. Clemens is the future of this franchise, and he’s a personal favorite of ETB. We like the kid a lot. He put up a gutty performance against one of the premier defenses in football last weekend, finishing with 260 yards, 1 TD and 2 INTs on the road.

If he becomes the Jets’ starting quarterback, Clemens is going to be a viable backup for fantasy teams this year. Starting in Week 4 New York plays @ BUF, @ NYG, vs PHI, @ CIN, vs BUF and vs WAS before their Week 10 bye. In fact, the only tough matchups they face for the passing game are vs. PIT in Week 11 and @ NWE in Week 15. Those of you who drafted Donovan Mcnabb, Drew Brees or the like with no insurance policy may want to invest an end of the bench roster spot in the talented Clemens.

- You know those umbrella buckets they put out by the door in restaurants and churches? On rainy days you can leave your umbrella there and pick it up on your way out. What do you do when you return to that bucket and your umbrella isn’t there anymore? That’s right, you help yourself to the best one left. You’ve been wronged and you deserve it. Bengals WR Chris Henry does it too. In the midst of an 8-game suspension from NFL action, apparently Henry’s had been stolen. So he took the best one Hertz had to offer, free of charge, “Police recovered a stolen vehicle Wednesday evening from the home of Chris Henry. An officer spotted a car he did not recognize parked in the Cincinnati Bengal’s driveway, ran the license plates and discovered the car had been reported stolen by a rental-car company. Henry told investigators that his own vehicle had been stolen in Louisiana, where he is from originally, and he rented a car from Hertz . . . Authorities said Hertz had not received payment from Henry or his insurance company, and the car was reported stolen.”

- Detoit Lions third-stringer Dan Orlovsky wins the award for Most Drastic Overstatement of the Week: “Indy can have Peyton and New England can have Tom, but we wouldn’t trade this guy for anyone in the world. He’s the best quarterback in this league right now. I’m saying as far as a quarterback. I’m not saying passer or runner or anything.” Wow. Hey, we like Kitna just fine here at ETB. We think he’s pretty good. But the best quarterback in football? Not so much.

- We mentioned Dwayne Bowe in this week’s Stock Report column because he fits the mold of recent breakout rookie receivers in the NFL. Apparently Chiefs HC Herm Edwards agrees. Kcchiefs.com quotes Edwards, “I’ll tell you what: there are a lot of oooh’s and ah’s when [Bowe and Jeff Webb] play. That’s what you get. The one [catch] that Bowe makes he basically ran a smash route. He saw the quarterback running outside the pocket so he went to recess like in the school yard. He sort of spun and ran into the end zone.”

When asked what would become of Bowe when/if Eddie Kennison returns Edwards said, “Oh, we move Bowe to ‘X’ [position]. Why not? . . . [Bowe and Webb] need to be in the system and we’ve done some things in the system to ease their mental load so they can line up and play for us fast.” That means, until further notice, Bowe has the starting job locked up for the remainder of the season. Again, we’re not huge fans of any Kansas City offensive player right now, but the athletic and large wideout could easily finish the season as a strong WR4 play. If you have somebody expendable on your roster take a gamble on him.

- I maintain that Minnesota Viking’s LG Steve Hutchinson is the best run-blocking guard in the NFL, but I didn’t know he was this disciplined. The Minneapolis Star Tribune reports that being called for a false start in overtime of Sunday’s loss to the Detroit Lions was the first penalty on Hutchinson since November 14, 2004. That was back when the Pro Bowler was opening massive holes for Shaun Alexander in Seattle. You want to know why Seattle and Alexander sputtered last year? Part of it was the health of Walter Jones and Alexander, but don’t underestimate the impact the loss of Hutch had on the Seahawks’ running game. Paired with five-time Pro Bowl C Matt Birk and LT Bryant ‘Mount’ McKinnie, Minnesota may have the best left side in football. Just another reason to be psyched about Adrian Peterson’s breakout season.

- According to the Washington Post newly signed WR Reche Caldwell, “is expected to challenge for playing time in practice this week.” We like Reche better than Brandon Lloyd and Antwaan Randle El, but he’s always going to be behind Santana Moss and Chris Cooley in the pecking order of Joe Gibbs’ run-heavy offense. Caldwell was only a fringe fantasy player as the top option in New England last season, so don’t go adding him in anything but very deep leagues.

- Has Jerry Jones ever seen a malcontent he didn’t mind signing if they could help him win now? Well, count ETB among those who think the Dallas Cowboys’ signing of legally-challenged Tank Johnson makes a lot of sense. Due to suspension he won’t be eligible to play until Week 9 of this season, but the Dallas offense should keep the team afloat until then. He’s still one of the most talented DTs in football and just 25 years old. The loss of NT Jason Ferguson for the season was a devastating blow to their run defense. In the Cowboys’ 3-4 scheme, a strong NT is absolutely essential to success and Tank will be a huge asset to the team down the stretch and in the playoffs (if they make it). Until then, keep starting your fantasy players versus Dallas with confidence.

- If Lee Evans has the poor fantasy performance on Sunday ETB predicts, he officially becomes our Buy Low Candidate of the Week. He saw Champ Bailey, the best cover-cornerback in football, Week 1 and the strong Pittsburgh defense in Week Two. As a result, Evans has just 22 yards and 4 receptions on the season. Now he gets Asante Samuel and an extremely disciplined New England secondary which has only allowed 158 yards per game through the air. Get ready to make some low-ball offers on Monday morning before Evans blows up at home against the Jets and Cowboys in Weeks 4 and 5.

- If you’re the kind of fantasy player who doesn’t like the high-maintenance approach of a team DEF carousel and you don’t have one of the elite squads on your team, scoop up the Minnesota Vikings and run with them. Mike Tomlin was a fine defensive coordinator, but his replacement Leslie Frazier has the Viqueens swarming the ball. They finished 2006 with just 30 sacks, but are currently tied with the Pittsburgh Steelers (Tomlin’s current team) for most in the NFL with 10 sacks after just two weeks. They also have 5 INTs, 2 fumble recoveries and 3 TDs, making them the highest ranked team DEF and the 6th highest-ranked fantasy player in Yahoo! default scoring. That production will continue this week against the hapless Chiefs, and Weeks 7 and 9 look like the only real trouble spots on their schedule.

- Jacoby Jones looked great in the preseason, prompting a lot of owners to take a flier on him late in their draft. However, in the Texans’ Andre Johnson-centric passing offense he only recorded 2 receptions for 33 yards through the first two weeks. He’s been dropped in most leagues at this point, but makes a nice spot start at home against the Indianapolis Colts this week. Look for the Texans to get down early and be forced to throw for much of the second half. With no other strong options, Jones should see at least seven looks this week and he’ll give you some punt return yardage in leagues that award points for that.