Empty the Bench

We’re all about bold predictions here at ETB. Sure, we’ll analyze and second guess other people’s decisions, but we also enjoy putting ourselves on the line as well. That’s why in the days leading up to Sunday every week we’ll be gazing into our crystal ball and both of us will post the ten predictions our meditations generate.

Of course, not all of them will come true. But when they do, we’re going to be bragging about them. And when they don’t, feel free to let us know about it because we certainly are not going to bring it up. Without further delay, ETB’s NFL Week Two Crystal Ball (in no particular order).

Andrew’s Predictions:

1. Romeo Crennel is making a case for least patient and least decisive head coach in the NFL. He knows his job is on the line, and he’s got ants in his elastic waistbanded pants. Brady Quinn attempts at least ten passes this weekend and gets sacked three times.

2. The Man With the Golden Foot, Green Bay kicker Mason Crosby, boots four field goals through the uprights in the Meadowlands, one from 45+ yard out.

3. The injury to thoroughly mediocre Bills CB Jason Webster makes an already dreadful defensive secondary even worse. Playing on the road against the new look Steelers passing attack, look for Buffalo to give up three passing scores to Ben Roethlisberger and for Santonio Holmes to establish himself as a WR3 with 5 receptions for 80 yards and a score.

4. Chad Johnson makes a trip to the Dawg Pound in Cleveland… twice. By the way, you really need to check out Chad’s latest promotion. I intend to have him talk some trash for me with each of my fantasy opponents around 4:30am on Sunday morning.

5. With Jesse Chatman limited by a knee bruise, Ronnie Brown gets the volume of touches he deserves and makes good on them against a rushing defense that made reserve Derrick Ward look like a star on Sunday night. Brown goes over 100 total yards and finds pay dirt.

6. The New Orleans offense is just fine, and they’ll come out and prove it on Sunday. Drew Brees throws for around 300 yards, both running backs get involved and the Saints score 31 points. No more, no less.

7. I still don’t buy the Indianapolis rush defense after their strong showing last week, and Tennesse set a franchise record with 4.7 YPC in 2006. The Titans also put up a franchise record with 282 rushing yards last week. The Tennessee offensive line is severely underrated. Look for their running game to keep rolling with around 180+ more yards and a pair of touchdowns on the ground.

8. After an ugly showing at home versus Arizona on Monday night, the San Francisco 49ers offense gets healthy against a porous St. Louis defense on the road. The 49er defense also plays better than expected while the loss of Orlando Pace hits the Rams hard and San Fran upsets St. Louis on the road.

9. While Demetrius Williams was all over the field and getting open all night, poor QB play kept him from blowing up like I predicted on Monday. Still, he had an impressive nine looks and makes good on my call this week by catching a 40+ yard pass while Mark Clayton remains hobbled.

10. Eagles fans have thrown down the gauntlet, giving Donovan McNabb three weeks to bring a Super Bowl trophy to Philadelphia. McNabb steps up to the challenge and he leads a motorcade down Broad Street in early October, triumphantly hoisting the Lombardi Trophy above his head.

Brian’s Predictions:

1. In relief of injured Steve McNair, Ravens backup QB Kyle Boller makes a strong case to remain the starter by playing near mistake-free football in compiling 275 yards passing and 2 TDs in a romp over the Jets.

2. Nearly despondant over his meager fantasy statline in Week 1 (4 catches, 20 yards, 1 TD), avid fantasy footballer Roy Williams makes up for it with over 125 yards receiving and 2 TDs against a Vikings secondary that will be under the gun all afternoon.

3. Warrick Dunn gets the start again over Jerious Norwood, but it’s the second-year back who makes a bigger impact against a Jaguars defense that yielded 282 yards rushing last week to the Titans. HC Bobby Petrino wants to stick with Dunn, but he’ll be second-guessed all week if he doesn’t make the change after Norwood’s 94 yards rushing, 6.7 YPC, and 1 TD performance.

4. 49ers tenacious rookie linebacker Patrick Willis is going to knock someone on the Rams silly, then finds himself on the big-hits highlight reel Sunday night.

5. Facing a Raiders secondary with little depth behind the best cornerback whose name you can’t pronounce–Nnamdi Asomugha–Denver Broncos second-year QB Jay Cutler throws 3 TD passes to three different players and shows why he just might be the best overall quarterback from last year’s class so far.

6. Bears fans boo Rex Grossman, Cedric Benson, and the rest of the offense when the Kansas City Chiefs, despite doing very little with the ball, stay in the game until midway through the fourth quarter thanks to a generous combination of three-and-outs, punts, and turnovers.

7. Arnaz Battle is the hot waiver-wire pickup of the week after another strong performance for the 49ers (and another underwhelming effort by Darrell Jackson). Versatile and athletic in the mode of the Jets’ Brad Smith, but with more talent, Battle was the only wide receiver in ’06 to record at least 40 receptions without dropping a single pass thrown to him.

8. In a game that on paper looks like a snoozer, the Houston/Carolina matchup sees two of the league’s best wide receivers–the Texans’ Andre Johnson and the Panthers’ Stevonne Smith–turn in remarkable individual efforts, with both going well over 100 yards receiving and both scoring.

9. The Bills might get blown out on the road in Pittsburgh, but rookie RB Marshawn Lynch finds the endzone again and makes up for his poor overall fantasy stats. I see something like 52 yards rushing, 21 receiving, and 1 TD.

10. More controversy surrounding Patriots head coach Bill Belichick surfaces Monday morning, though no video cameras are involved. Reports out of Boston allege a man watched in horror as Belichick “shuffled his feet, fidgeted his fingers, and blocked any views from the outside with his lengthy playbook” in a local bar restroom stall. Belichick vehemently denies it, saying that he “took a wide stance when going to the toilet.”

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