Empty the Bench

Professional NFL kickers lead the good life. Training camps and practices consist of a few sprints, some light weightlifting, thorough stretching, kicking a ball around for an hour or two, then retiring to the lockerroom for a massage and a beer. Is it any wonder that one future father has already pegged their son as the next great kicker?

As mentioned in that ETB exclusive, Adam Vinatieri equals role model. Former punter Rick Tuten, eh, not so much. We spit up a little coffee this morning with news that Tuten has been arrested for buying stolen all-terrain vehicles and flat-screen TVs (!!), then reselling them at a nice profit. The news of interest, however, is the leaked snippet from one of his bugged phone conversations:

The Marion County sheriff’s office said in a new release that deputies began investigating Tuten when they learned he purchased a $4,000 all-terrain vehicle for $900. He allegedly purchased other ATVs and electronics from suspects arrested for multiple burglaries.

During a taped telephone conversation, a police informant told Tuten she had two stolen flat screen televisions valued at $1,500. According to an affidavit, Tuten replied, “I don’t know nothing about nothing.” He then instructed the woman to deliver the items to his home. Tuten paid the woman $600 for the televisions and then asked her to deliver more.

“I don’t know nothing about nothing.” He actually said that. Wow. Is he living out some sort of Fat Tony fantasy? Rick Tuten, you are *not* allowed to say that! Ever! You’re a punter, not a cliche-spittin’ mafioso, and frankly we expect better from you.

Possibly Related Content:

1. When Your Team (Really) Sucks, Cut the Fat


2. Rotowire: “Lendale White Getting Fat”


3. Hide the Twinkies: A Fat Lineman is Missing


4. Fat Fingers + Bowling Ball = Hilarity


5. Why Does NBA TV Analyst Rick Kamla Still Have a Job After Calling Yi a “Chinaman”?