Empty the Bench

- Jason Cole writes for Yahoo! Sports that with Larry Johnson threatening to hold out until he gets a new deal, the Kansas City Chiefs should instead trade him to the highest bidder.

- Jason Taylor is vocal in his appreciation for GM Randy Mueller.

- The Cincinnati Bengals have a well-established knack for mining the depths of human depravity and opening up roster spots for the men with the most athletic talent in the bunch. We’re not saying Bengals rookie Kenny Irons is one of the bad guys, but this quote seems like it couldn’t come from anyone but a Bengal: “I got a midget in [my luggage] to suck my di**.”

- Pete Kendall, currently a member of the New York Jets and last time we checked still a grown man, throws a big temper tantrum because he wants a raise. He will most definitely not get what he wants, and more likely be issued his walking papers. Somebody better get him a XXXXXXL diaper before then.

- Pacman Jones surrendered to Las Vegas authorities, was released on $20k bail, and says he’s ready to fight the charges. He’s also ready to fight you, me, your cousin Joe, your neighbor Frank, and your little brother Billy.

- Speaking of strip-club denizens, the owner of a classy joint called “Wet” says the whole misdemeanor thing with Green Bay Packers linebacker Nick Barnett is getting blown out of proportion. The reason? Apparently a woman threw a drink on Barnett before a woman was thrown to the ground. So, I guess, that somewhat justifies the brute actions of a 6-2, 232-pound man who was probably drinking. Totally.

- Tatum Bell, acquired from the Denver Broncos this offseason, describes his new team, the Detroit Lions, as “real sorry last year” and that he’s doing his part to “bring a winning attitude to practice.” Also, apparently Lions head coach Rod Marinelli wrestled a bear in high school.

- The Houston Texans defense promises to try sacking quarterbacks this year.

- Ron Mexico is replaced by Jason Campbell at a College of William & Mary football camp. He probably just had a conflicting dentist appointment.

- ETB’s coverage of the upcoming NFL fantasy season has kicked off. Much more to come.