Empty the Bench

To answer your first question, no. When we say it’s “raining all over” the former All-Pro quarterback, it’s not from being showered with dollar bills as the newest hunk of naked burning love at a male strip club. Speaking of which, however, do women make it rain on male strippers like their male counterparts do on females? An intriguing riddle that may not soon be answered.

Back to Daunte Culpepper, the embattled signal caller who’s gone from one of the league’s best at his position to just being one of the league’s many. A week after his Miami Dolphins acquired Trent Green to presumably take over the starting duties behind center–which will effectively end Culpepper’s disappointing one-year tenure with the club sooner rather than later–the hefty 265-pound veteran caught another “break” yesterday. This time, instead of his ego getting bruised, it was his non-throwing hand after he was rear-ended (not that way) on the Sawgrass Expressway:

Culpepper said the vintage Chevrolet car he was driving was rear-ended by another motorist late Wednesday night on a South Florida highway. He said the top of his left hand was bruised and he got X-rays as a precaution. “I am fine. The real problem is that the guy damaged my 1975 convertible Caprice Classic,” Culpepper said.

According to the Florida Highway Patrol, the accident happened at 10:13 p.m. on the Sawgrass Expressway. Culpepper told officers on the scene that he’d pulled over to the side of the rain-slicked road because he thought the car had a mechanical problem. He then pulled back onto the highway, telling officers he was using his emergency flashers.

The driver of the other vehicle, Gary Wolfe of Coral Springs, Fla., told the FHP that Culpepper was not using his flashers and was traveling too slowly. Charges may be pending and the investigation is continuing, officials said.

Culpepper’s account of what happened sounds too picture-perfect, but we’ll leave it up to the long arm of the law to get to the bottom of this shocking development in the life and times of Daunte Culpepper, Quarterback. While the injury doesn’t sound too serious, you can bet that the few suitors interested in acquiring him (Jacksonville is one team that’s been mentioned) may have pause after this little bang-up. Culpepper’s ongoing knee problems are reason enough to question whether he can ever even come close to the level of play he enjoyed during his awesome five-year run with the Vikings.

Poor Daunte. He didn’t ask for this. I mean, first he rips his kneed to shreds, then he’s replaced by a 37-year-old whiteboy (!!), and then someone has the audacity to damage his 1975 convertible Caprice Classic. When it rains, it pours, dearest Daunte. Hang in there bucko–hey, if worst comes to worst, we hear there’s a lot of money to be made as a male stripper.