Empty the Bench

- Daunte Culpepper sounds disgusted that the Miami Dolphins “want to get something for [him]” instead of outright releasing him or letting the pea-brained QB stick around and compete for a starting job. It seems like only yesterday that Culpepper was putting up Pro Bowl numbers and firmly entrenched as one of the league’s top five signal-callers. Unfortunately for Miami, who gave up a second-round pick last year to obtain him, in reality those days ended three years ago, and began seven years ago. You do the math–Culpepper is done, at least as an elite starter.

- Of course, one of the (many) reasons Miami is so eager to jettison Culpepper is that they have finally acquired Trent Green from the KC Chiefs in exchange for a conditional pick. He’s certainly an upgrade over Culpepper and Cleo Lemon, owner of quite possibly the worst name imaginable for a professional football player. Green doesn’t have more than two, maybe three good seasons left in him, which should be just fine with rookie John Beck waiting in the wings and probably not ready to start for a few anyway.

- We’re experiencing a serious moral crisis here at ETB over the latest incident in Cincinnati Bengals linebacker Odell Thurman’s proud history. Should we devote an exclusive post to his antics last weekend, or just list it in today’s NFL darts? We’ll getcha next time, Odell, no worries. Two days after being sentenced to six days in rehab for a DUI conviction, Thurman let his inner animal take over in the wee hours Sunday morning at a party in Monticello, GA. After hitting on some guy’s girlfriend and being asked to stop it, the beast took offense and, well, did this: “Thurman ran up to the guy, pushed him down, and kicked the shit out of his face knocking the guy out. He then left, and moments later came back with his entourage carrying guns. Some of the people there were able to calm him down, and get him to leave for good.” With Leather also has a photo of the supposed guy Thurman kicked the shit out of. Pick on someone your own size, Odell.

- Is it too late to put The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes in charge of drawing up Calvin Johnson’s contract? God knows Matt Millen could use the help. Making CJ agree to stay away from Chuck Rogers is a no-brainer, but limiting his contact with Jon Kitna to the football field because “Kitna is devout Christian and possibly scared of black people” is the sign of an ingenious future GM.

- Some proof that all NFL players are not into dogfighting. Some of them just like breeding pit bulls for fun.

- With Adrian Peterson aboard, it’ll be interesting to see how the backfield situation shakes out for the Minnesota Vikings. Even more intriguing to see if Troy Williamson can go two games without dropping a pass.

- When I retire, the first thing I’m going to do is set up a prostitution ring with my girlfriend… out of my parents’ houses. You hear that, Mom and Dad? We’re going to need some fluffy couches, a credit-card machine, a cocaine hook-up, and a publicist well-versed in promoting the kind of services we’re going to offer. I’ll take care of the couches, can you help out with the rest?

- Surprise! Ashley Lelie might be pushed to the sideline, again, this time as a member of the San Francisco 49ers. If he can’t win a starting job for the 49ers, who basically have nothing at the wide receiver spot, he doesn’t deserve another NFL contract.

- Baltimore Ravens maneater Ray Lewis feels that at the age of 32, his best football is still ahead of him (last quote at the very bottom of the article on Suggs). Professional sports are such a funny thing–it’s one of the few professions in life where one is considered over-the-hill and just plain old after turning 30.

- We’re not sure the cameo was necessary in the second-to-last episode ever of The Sopranos, but it happened and fortunately the writers didn’t waste any valuable screen time with a conversation between Tony and NY Jets head coach Eric Mangini. In case you missed it (shame on you!), here it is: