Empty the Bench

At ETB, we just can’t get enough of the baseball skipper meltdown. What would be distasteful in all other sports (or walks of life, for that matter) is an art form on the baseball diamond. There’s a certain poetry in watching a middle-aged, dumpy man in a matching two-piece outfit lose all composure in front of a stadium full of innocent bystanders. Classics by Lou Piniella, Earl Weaver, Billy Martin and Charlie Manuel have some new company thanks to a recent outburst by Mississippi Braves manager Phil Wellman. This could be up there with the best of them.

How do you rate a skipper meltdown? Well, there has to be some real fire in the belly. Check. Dirt has to fly (either at an ump or over a base). Check. The sanctity of the baseball field has to be attacked in the interest of making a point. Check. One of the bases must be removed from its mooring. Check and check. There’s got to be a legitimate chance that the guy has actually lost it. Check. Oh, and there has to be some creativity involved, too. Check.

There are some classic moments here. The covering home plate with dirt has become a bit passé, but Wellman reinvigorates the old bit not only with the exacting precision with which he does it, but then actually drawing a new home plate that more accurately represents the ump’s strike zone. Nice. But the part where he sneaks up behind the pitcher’s mound as if engaged in trench warfare and lobs the rosin bag at the ump like a grenade? Genius. Enjoy.