Empty the Bench

There isn’t a fantasy baseball player out there who couldn’t use a few more saves at this point in the season. It’s always a good feeling waking up in the morning and seeing a few ’1′s in that ‘S’ column. Like the ever-elusive steal, we’ll use multiple positions on our roster just for the chance at a handful more. A month and a half into the season, several closers have already been injured or lost their jobs outright, generating new sources of saves. No doubt, those have already been scooped up in your league. ETB takes a look at nine situations that could keep you a step ahead in the chase for saves.

Chicago Cubs

The big news out of Chicago today is Lou Pinella’s announcement that current closer Ryan Dempster will become a starter in the coming weeks in a move to bolster the rotation. In the mean time, he has been asked to mentor 24-year-old Angel Guzman who will then take over the job. While Dempster has a mediocre 4.43 ERA, he has converted 9 of 10 save opportunities this year while posting a 1.03 WHIP and 21 Ks in 20.1 innings. That makes the timing of this seem a little bizarre, especially when you consider that Ryan hasn’t had an ERA under 4.00 as a starter since 2000.

Whatever, fantasy owners just want to own the guy who finishes games for the Cubs. Anybody who owns Dempster should be handcuffing Guzman to him immediately. Guzman had a 7.39 ERA in 56 innings last season, but he does have the stuff to finish games. The only question is, does he have the mental makeup?

Read the rest of this article »

Well that sure was shocking, wasn’t it? We finally know which NBA owner sold his soul to the devil in exchange for rights to the best NBA prospect in something like 200 years. Greg Oden, the 7-footer from Ohio State who might arrive in the NBA with higher expectations than Lebron did, will almost assuredly be taken first overall in the June NBA draft by the Portland Trail Blazers, who now become the team to watch over the next decade or so. In a word, sick. Paired with Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge, Sergio Rodriguez, Jarrett Jack, Martell Webster, etc, this team is definitely poised for a return to greatness.

Some will make the argument that Portland has more pressing holes to fill than center, and that they’ll either take Durant or trade the pick for some veteran help. I just don’t buy it. Aldridge will move over to man the power forward spot, and if/when they can find a taker, this lets them jettison Zach Randolph without any qualms. Trading their talented but cancerous starting power forward is the much more likely scenario. Either way, something tells me that lifelong Portland fan Henry Abbott over at TrueHoop won’t stop smiling for a few weeks after seeing this unlikely scenario unfold.

The “booby prize” of the draft ain’t so bad either. Kevin Durant, the 6-10 all-everything freshman from Texas, is now property of the Seattle Supersonics, another team that moved up significantly in the lottery. The question now becomes whether or not the team retains free agent Rashard Lewis; certainly, the arrival of an all-world prospect like Durant has to help the team’s sales pitch if, indeed, they’re ready to pony up the cash to keep the All Star.

The Atlanta Hawks also benefitted, moving up to into the third slot for a shot at any number of very solid prospects. It’s up in the air as to who the Hawks will target: they certainly have a need at point guard, but is #3 overall a reach for the draft’s best at PG, Mike Conley, Jr.? Remember, this team is already stocked at the small forward spot, so you’d think they’ll go with either a point or a big man. Either way, the Hawks are going to be another team to watch over the next decade or so–they also have the Pacers’ first-round pick at #11, giving them 2 of the top 15 in what’s been called the deepest draft ever.

Wow. Jerry West of the Memphis Grizzlies and Tommy Boy for the Celtics looked *pissed* when their teams were announced at 4 and 5, respectively. These two franchises are still assured of landing a big-time prospect, but I suppose it’s hard to mask your disappointment over missing out on Oden and Durant.

Other Notes from the NBA Draft Lottery:

- ESPN’s Dan Patrick had a little chat with Greg Oden before the big fella boarded a flight for Vegas. Not exactly the most thrilling interview, but it did end with Patrick asking him if he had another job he could fall back on. Oden’s reply? “Uh, I could probably breakdance on the side of the street, make a few bucks doing that.” Mmhmm.

- Jay Bilas thinks North Carolina’s Brandan Wright has “the wingspan of a condor” and “runs the floor like a deer.” Personally, I think Wright runs the floor more like a gazelle, but what do I know.

- Too much player analysis from ESPN’s crew to kick the festivities off in Secaucus, NJ, not enough awkward interviews with each team’s lottery representative. This is a golden opportunity to ask Larry Bird (representing the Pacers) to confirm that he did indeed used to smoke John Mellencamp under the table with his bud Kevin McHale, and to clarify just how many “cigarettes” it took to take down the Coog.

- Wow… the “Grizzlies Lottery Viewing Party” looks like it’s drawn more fans than Memphis’ last few home games, combined.

- Greg Anthony’s simpleton analysis of the state of the Boston Celtics was just a little insulting to close observers of the NBA. If they don’t land Oden, he says, the team is doomed to wallow in mediocrity for many years to come. There’s an incredibly solid, promising core of young players already employed by the Celts (Big Al Jefferson, Rajon Rondo, Ryan Gomes, Delonte West, Tony Allen, Gerald Green). Throw in a high return for a Paul Pierce trade–which we really feel is the right move for Boston–and you have a team that could challenge for a playoff spot much sooner than you think. They were certainly dealt a blow in this lottery, but at #5 overall, they should be able to land a guy who can step into the starting lineup immediately.

- Gee, David Stern… don’t tip your hat *too* far about your affection for Tim Duncan and the San Antonio Spurs.

- Hilarious watching ESPN’s Mark Jones go through the introductions of each team representative, with each one of these guys tensing up just a bit as they were announced, praying that Jones didn’t pick them for a little impromptu chat. Timberwolves fans must *hate* seeing Randy Foye sitting next to the NBA’s 2007 Rookie of the Year, Brandon Roy. These two were of course swapped on draft day last year and, so far, the Trail Blazers have emerged as the winner of that deal. Yep, everything’s coming up Portland.

A few thoughts about last night’s opener of the Eastern Conference Finals:

From Detroit’s Perspective:

- Were they passing out sedatives instead of bobbleheads to the fans as they passed through the gates? That was one of the quietest home crowds I’ve ever heard at the Palace during the postseason, and they did little to nothing to help spur their team on (and god knows they needed it). Here’s hoping that the corporate shills didn’t buy up *all* the tickets for the whole series, because there’s nothing worse than a bunch of businessmen sitting on their hands and quietly sipping on a plastic cup of wine during a playoff game.

- For the first 42 minutes or so of the game, Chauncey Billups played no better than Eric Snow, uncharacteristically letting the ball slide out of his hands like they were covered in grease and looking slightly panicked whenever the Cavs double-teamed him at the top of the arc. Clearly, he wasn’t expecting (wasn’t prepared for?) that, and I fully expect an adjustment to be made for Game 2 and beyond. Billups’ poor play until they needed him most, in crunch time, is one of the many reasons the Pistons are lucky to have won.

- Rasheed Wallace registered 7 blocked shots, a career playoff high, to go with 15 points and 12 boards, and perhaps just as importantly never really lost his cool. He can improve on his boxing out on both ends of the court, but very hard to quibble with his overall performance. When Sasha Pavlovic tried to wrestle the ball away from him, sending ‘Sheed to the floor in the process, I knew that would get his attention, and sure enough it did. Leaving Donyell Marshall wide open in the corner for the potentially game-winning shot with a few seconds left was bone-headed, though; visions of Robert Horry in the 2005 NBA Finals must have gone through every Pistons fans’ head before Marshall’s shot clanked off the rim.

- Rip Hamilton was just fantastic on offense, wasn’t he? When he’s on, there’s something about the rhythm and ease of his shots that seems to just deflate the other team. Loved that set late in the fourth quarter when he basically ran two laps around the Cavs’ defense, coming off a few picks and screens, with Pavlovic trying in vain to keep up. Hamilton didn’t even get the ball, but it definitely planted another seed of doubt in Pavlovic’s mind that he’s out of his league when it comes to matching up with the Pistons’ all-star shooting guard.

- Jason Maxiell’s box score is anything but spectacular–1 rebound, 1 assist, 1 block–but he was huge in the fourth quarter. This might be the first time I’ve ever seen him on the court late in the game with the outcome still to be determined. That vote of confidence from Flip Saunders had to make him feel good.

- That was, without question, one of the worst postseason performances I’ve ever seen from this core Pistons group. That they *still* won the game either speaks to their immense talent level, or the laughable ineptitude of the Cavaliers. You make the call.

- Antonio McDyess needs to remember how to shoot, and fast. The Pistons can probably get by in this series w/o Dice’s scoring off the bench, but if they make the NBA Finals it’ll be another story. I haven’t seen the vet go through a prolonged shooting slump this late in the season since he joined Detroit, and while I keep saying he’s bound to snap out of it any game now, he doesn’t have that confident body language of a guy who’s feeling good about his shot. The rebounding boost is nice, but he needs to get these kinks worked out on offense.

- Nice job by Dale Davis, who’s played very little this postseason, to stay mentally prepared and make tangible contributions in his early 5 minutes of action. With Webber picking up 2 fouls in the first few minutes, Davis came in and recorded 5 points and 3 boards while going to the line twice. Incredible that this guy’s NBA career began when I was in middle school.

- Finally, don’t expect Tayshaun Prince to go through another 1-11 FG night. His scoring is probably going to be down this series (read: guarding Lebron can be tiring), but he was missing some gimme’s and no-sweat’s that he normally can hit with his eyes closed. Kudos, however, for establishing a new high with 9 assists on the night. And, of course, we all know how well Lebron did himself on offense….

Read the rest of this article »

With Game One of the Western Conference Finals starting just 38 hours after San Antonio knocked Phoenix off Friday night, ETB didn’t have time to put together a proper series preview before tipoff yesterday afternoon. Our apologies. With game one in the books, here’s how we see the rest of the series shaking down.

“We are two teams that try to do the same thing, just put the ball in, play from the inside out, when we have the opportunity we are going to run. It’s going to be fun with a lot of good plays and tough possessions, hard to score. So, we’ll see what happens.” – Manu Ginobili

There are a number of interesting matchups between these teams who looked fairly evenly matched in the regular season, but the most interesting thing to pay attention to may be the chess match taking place on the sidelines. The team’s who play pretty offensive basketball and rack up regular-season wins are gone (deal with it). What’s left are Jerry Sloan’s gritty, disciplined Utah Jazz and Gregg Popivich’s physical, methodical San Antonio Spurs; each team an accurate reflection of their skipper. Between the two, these guys have as much playoff coaching experience and savvy as anybody in the league. They’ve seen it all, and neither will find it easy to catch the other off balance.

Still, there will be plenty of games within the game as they constantly make adjustments between games, halves, quarters and even possessions. Ordinarily, the task of each of these coaches is to slow the game down- that should be no problem here. While the Jazz may be more comfortable running, they’re perfectly content to play in the half court; San Antonio dominates in the half court, but they have some track stars too. Look for both teams to play tight on the ball and force turnovers for transition buckets. Failing that, they will try to run their offense through the power forwards in the mid-post and set up slashing point guards and deadly spot up jump shooters outside. Because Utah usually likes to grind down their opponents and simply try to make fewer mistakes, they will need to make some changes because that style of play is San Antonio’s modus operandi.

Read the rest of this article »

It’s only fitting that in the Eastern Conference, where the bottom few seeds bore passing resemblences to lottery teams, the top two teams are all we’re left with. The Detroit Pistons, the East’s #1 team record-wise and overwhelming favorite to advance to the NBA Finals, are now in rarified company having reached their fifth straight Conference Finals. Just south of them in Michigan’s ugly stepsister state, the Cleveland Cavaliers haven’t gone this far in the playoffs since the 1991-92 season, when they lost to Michael Jordan’s Bulls in the Conf. Finals 4-2.

Last year, of course, these franchises met in the second round, with Cleveland coming this close to pulling off the big upset and sending the Pistons home in six games. Veteran poise and better talent ultimately helped Detroit through the adversity, as they won an elimination game on the road in Cleveland, then wrapped it up in relatively easy fashion back at the Palace. Yes, they won, but it’s a series that should have been over in five, and by failing to put the Cavs away early, the struggling Pistons tiredly limped into their Conference Finals matchup with the Miami Heat, lost the first game, and never really threatened to reseize control and get back in it.

It was an embarassing end to one of the best regular seasons in NBA history, and you can bet the Pistons haven’t forgotten what happened last year against the Cavs. Revenge? Not really. Detroit will more be out to drive home the fact that they were the far superior team last year that merely went through a poorly timed slump… and that this year they’re still the better team and won’t struggle like last time.

Cleveland, of course, feels like they learned a lot from last year’s playoff clash with Detroit, and as Lebron recently said, undoubtedly “think that’s going to help [them] get over the hump.” The Cavs were dealt an incredibly favorable path to the Conference Finals, scooting into the second seed spot on the last day of the regular season and drawing the insipid Washington Wizards in Round One. After sweeping aside that rubbish in four (rubbish, of course, because they were without All-Stars Gilbert Arenas and Caron Butler), the Cavs drew the veteran, determined New Jersey Nets.

‘Twas a truly ugly series, certainly not one worthy of national television coverage, but it was what it was and after wrapping it up in six games Friday night, the Cavs clearly weren’t concerned with what it looked like to get there. A series win is a series win, and now they get their shot to prove that last year’s tangle with Detroit was but a precursor for bigger and better things this season.

A rematch of last year’s conference semi-finals. Two teams out to prove they’re better than last year. Two teams confident they’re ready to take the next step towards NBA greatness. One bonafide superstar surrounded by a gaggle of solid role players vs. arguably the best starting five in the NBA, including four players who’ve been to the All-Star Game. Empty the Bench takes a look at the Eastern Conference Finals matchup between the Detroit Pistons and Cleveland Cavaliers, points out a few keys to the series, and gives you our prediction for how it’ll all turn out.

Read the rest of this article »

- Anxiety was running a bit high last night until about, oh, halfway through the fourth quarter, so excuse us if a few too many bottles of alcoholic libations kept us from really focusing during the post-game press conference. We were, however, able to “lock in,” as Mr. Big Shot likes to say, long enough to watch Tayshaun Prince’s thoughtful, well-spoken comments on NBA TV. A very strong case could be made the Billups is this team’s MVP, or that “as Rasheed goes, so do the Pistons,” and that’s all very true. But Prince is without question the glue that holds it all together. True Hoop has a nice piece about the Palace Prince.

- Golden State of Mind seems to have sufficiently recovered from the Warriors’ second-round loss to the Utah Jazz, and now is wondering if head coach Don Nelson will stick around long enough to give it another go next season. For the record, they think he’ll be back.

- Further proof that NFL players could probably band together and kill all of us if they really wanted to. That John Henderson isn’t even close to being the first guy that comes to mind when you think “crazy sonofabitch” is scary. Someone, please, just give him what he wants.

- The 2007 NBA Draft is on the horizon, and the whole thing will probably take less time than the first 15 picks of the NFL draft. One guy who significantly improved his draft stock by leading his team to the Sweet 16, Southern Illinois’ Jamaal Tatum, sat down for an exclusive interview with Eric Satterwhite for Hoops Addict to discuss how he’s preparing for the day that will significantly shape his post-college playing career. Click here to check it out.

- Speaking of the draft, my ETB associate Andrew is going to just love this one. The Minnesota Timberwolves have a very slim chance of winning next week’s NBA draft lottery, where NBA execs put a bunch of ping-pong balls in a machine and laugh as the fate of 14 franchises hangs in the balance. Still, they’re superstitious folks, those T’Wolves, and are calling upon the sovereign God Almighty to throw ‘em a bone. That’s right, they’re sending their representative, Randy Foye, to the ceremony with a vial of holy water that front-office guy Rob Babcock scooped up in Lourdes, France, “a town made famous following a series of legendary Virgin Mary apparitions in 1858.” Yet another reason why the seemingly innate lottery drawing broadcast is something we look forward to every year. Seriously. That’s good TV. (via The FanHouse)

- ESPN has issued their first NFL Power Rankings for the 2007 season. Where are the favorite teams of my college friends ranked? The Packers are at #24, the Steelers are at #13, the Broncos at #7, and, of course, the Lions at #30.

- From some band’s message board re: last night’s Pistons/Bulls game: “My Chicago-living brother was at the game, got free tickets, 15 rows or so behind the basket. He said his group (all Detroiters) cheered when the Pistons put Big Ben on the line. Some whitetrash dude started yelling at them, ‘What, are you cheering b/c he hits his FTs for us and not for you?’ After Ben missed em both, my brother gave the guy a 2 thumbs up and laughed. The guy started throwing coins at my brother and was quickly removed from his seats by security. Funny.”

- Keyshawn Johnson was last seen strongly disagreeing with a few of his 2007 NFL Draft mates in the booth on ESPN about just how good USC wide receiver Dwayne Jarrett is before he came off the board. Well, lo and behold, Carolina Panthers management agreed with Keyshawn, drafted him, then promptly released Keyshawn to make room. Well, now it seems the Tennessee Titans think they’d be addressing their pot holes at wide receiver by bringing in the wayward vet.

- I swear I played against all of these guys at once last week at the courts on the corner of Houston and Chrystie. Jerks.

- Don’t laugh, but Paris Lenon is apparently going to light it up this season as the likely starter at middle linebacker for the Detroit Lions. We said not to laugh at Lenon, but feel free to laugh at the Lions.

- Daily Norseman thinks that Tarvaris Jackson is going to make a lot of you look really stupid. It would certainly help his cause if Troy Williamson remembered that wide receivers are actually supposed to catch the ball when it’s thrown to them, not bat it to the ground.

- Are those two snickering at what he did, or what he doesn’t have much of?

- Blog-a-Bull seems to be taking last night’s season-ending loss rather well. Their readers, not so much.

Detroit 95, Chicago 85: Pistons fans, it’s okay to exhale. Take a deep breath, blow it out, and stop worrying. You never really thought the outcome of this series was in question, did you? Okay, let’s all be honest–with the way the Bulls basically dismantled the Pistons these last two games, and the series shifting back to Chicago last night, you thought a decisive, nerve-racking Game 7 Monday night was close to being a near certainty. Surely this proud, talented group of Bulls–a team that notched the best regular-season record at home in the Eastern Conference–wouldn’t let their season end on their home court, right? Wrong.

Displaying the grit, defensive tenacity, and confidence this core group is known for, the Pistons prevailed on the road and will make their fifth consecutive trip to the Conference Finals. What is it, exactly, about this team that’s helped them consistently achieve at such a high level? As he always does, ‘Sheed Wallace provided the headline quote: “Big cojones,” he said. “Bottom line, we know how to win in those situations.” You’re darn tootin’, Rasheed, you’re darn tootin’.

Read the rest of this article »

- Pick one: Bo Jackson, Barry Sanders, or the entire Houston Oilers receiving corps. It’d be pretty sweet if the good folks who are bringing back Tecmo Bowl (!!) incorporated all the Tecmo stars of yesteryear into some sort of archives, but I’ll just say “fat chance” to those hopes. Whether or not this incantation of the Nintendo game (which gave guys now aged 25 – 34 calloused thumbs for years) turns out to be any good remains to be seen. For the record, my ETB associate Andrew maintains that no one–NO ONE–can beat him. Question: does that include games with the “you can’t control the nose tackle” rule in effect?

- The Big Picture gets all Being John Malkovich in a wide-ranging interview with True Hoop’s Henry Abbott, where the ace NBA blogger dishes on his work habits, how he ended up under the ESPN umbrella, and his prediction for NBA Finals champ.

- Stop Mike Lupica has a lengthy diatribe about the possibility of Jermaine O’Neal ending up in a Knicks uniform next season. Personally, I don’t think O’Neal has proven himself to be a franchise cornerstone during his tenure with the Pacers, but for some reason, I like the guy’s game and think he would flourish on a team that wouldn’t rely on him to put up 25 and 10 night in, night out. Health issues for sure, but his shot-blocking abilities would pair well with Eddy Curry. Isiah, you know you want to move Channing Frye…

- Next time your high-school track coach invites you over for an athletic massage, and you feel something warm running down your back, don’t assume that it’s just massage oil.

- 464 MLB players were asked who the friendliest guy in the league is. No one was allowed to vote for a teammate (or presumably for themselves, Barry Bonds), and when the final results were tallied up, no single player earned more than 7% of the vote–except for the winner. Representing Motown as the starting first baseman for the Detroit Tigers, we give you Sean Casey, who received a whopping 46% of the vote.

- Um… honestly, you can fill in your own joke.

- Bugs & Cranks has our favorite baseball article of the day, and it’s not just because they reminded us of that infamous, sought-after-and-now-forgotten Billy Ripken Fleer card with “fuck face” scrawled across the bat handle. For their Worst Team Ever, they’ve assembled a truly moribund roster of big-leaguers who sucked and big-leaguers who were even suckier. Nice work gentlemen.

- Antonio McDyess really, really wants a NBA championship ring. Dice, I strongly urge you to do your part in making that happen by registering a double-double this evening against those upstart Bulls.

- Speaking of the Pistons/Bulls series, memo to whichever three gentlemen are officiating the game tonight: let them play. Let both teams play their respective games and let the chips fall where they may. Don’t whistle the ticky-tack flops and don’t let free throws decide the game.

- One writer sounds like he’s about to pull out all his f*@ing hair if he sees one more f!*king flop by f%#king Kurt f*%king Thomas! Here’s why: “It’s the screen where Nash takes a step-back dribble away from the screen and the defender rolls around Thomas and he invariably sticks his behind out to give Nash that split-second extra to beat his defender off the dribble. Thomas must be the butt of Phoenix film session jokes and endless practice court imitations.”

- Have you checked out and joined Ballhype yet? To quote Dutch, from Predator: “Do it! Do it now! I’m here!”

- The announcement of an all-new Tecmo Bowl got us feeling all nostalgic about back in the day when you’d sleep over at your friend’s house and stay up until 4am, blowing the dust out of the Nintendo over and over and over. To bring it all home, here’s this incredible homage to those long gone days. Unless you’re a huge Weezer fan, we recommend turning the sound down a little bit. Awesome.

Every Detroit Lions fan knows this is the best time of the year. Promising new free agents are signed that apparently have few to no flaws. Fresh-faced coaches are added to the staff, ready to turn their group of lovable losers into baby-eating monsters of the gridiron. All of the April draft picks project to be starters by midseason that will eventually blossom into Pro Bowlers and eventually Hall of Famers.

Of course, the one thing that makes a Lions offseason so enjoyable is that its fans don’t actually have to watch them play a real game against a real NFL team. Once that happens, all the fun is sucked out. It starts with that inevitable yellow flag that flies in the air early in the first quarter, with the words “Holding, offense, 10 yard penalty, still 3rd and forever” echoing throughout Ford Field. The ensuing “false start, offense, 5 yard penalty” then gets Lions fans working their patented Shoulder Slump in midseason form, and that’s it. Fire Millen! When’s the draft? Who’s the highest-rated wide receiver prospect?

With the start of mandatory mini-camps underway, ETB celebrates the excitement of another Lions offseason by serving up a big plate of Lions cornbread, today courtesy of Hondo over at Spartan Nation. He’s posting some fantastic insider updates from the Lions’ practices, and boy howdy, the way he tells it, this team is finally going places. The bar has been raised, they’re reaching high, high into the sky, with their sights set on the stratospheric heights of .500!

In all seriousness, the way Hondo frames these updates makes it impossible for any Lions fan to resist at least one big bit of the cornbread. Bon appétit!

On 1st-Round Pick, WR Calvin Johnson:

Calvin Johnson shined last week at rookie mini-camp so I expected when the vets joined him today that he would look good. He didn’t. He looked great. His speed was still clearly head and shoulders above everyone else and he clearly will be a star. He made a one handed grab that made the entire team and anyone who was watching just shake their head in disbelief. It was the most incredible catch I have ever seen after a lifetime of following football. That man has mad skills.

On Last Year’s 1st-Round Pick, LB Ernie Sims:

One of you emailed me and called Ernie Sims Simzilla. I love that and so did his teammates when I told them about it. Let me just say this about Simzilla: he is a bona fide stud. He flew around today and just looked so sharp. He was in the heads of the offense and let them know on several drills that they shouldn’t get real comfortable coming across the middle when they were in pads. I asked one of the receivers after practice and he told me “don’t worry, I won’t!”

On RT George Foster, Acquired From Denver:

He is very nimble for a 340# man and he has such great extension and footwork. There will always be someone whose negative slant is “if he was that good why did the Broncos trade him” and that is really simple. They had a younger guy behind him and they liked him as much. With Foster coming into a contract year they certainly tried to get something of value. He is a value. I have to wait and see him with pads, but I really like his handwork also. When he gets a hold of a D lineman they struggle to get around him. He may stink in pads, and I recognize that but for what he can do now I like it.

Still hungry? Get more generous helpings of Lions cornbread here and here.

I know it’s considered sacriligeous in some circles to miss any playoff games, but, well, we missed both of ‘em last night while moving side to side, to and fro, back and forth, to the ’70s disco-dance funk meets Gang of Four punktronica sounds of “!!! (chk chk chk)” at ye olde Bowery Ballroom. Hotness, kids, and we recommend you check it out for yourself.

Anyway, long story short, the box scores tell us that the New Jersey Nets stayed alive with a 83-72 victory in Cleveland, despite scoring just 6 points in the fourth quarter. As he normally does, Jason Kidd held the torch for the Nets, scoring 20 points on 8-14 FG with 6 assists, 9 boards, 4 steals, and 2 blocks. Head-scratcher stat of the night: VC actually recorded more assists than Kidd, with 10 feeds.

Game 6 is Friday night in Jersey; Fear the Sword had this to say about Game 5:

In any sport, you know a team is dead when the Head Coach/Manager says before a huge game that “his team doesn’t need motivation, that they know what they need to do, it is just another game, etc…” are you kidding me? When the Cavs have a couple rings on their fingers, when the Cavs actually get past the 2nd Round, when the Cavs actually finish off a team not named the Washington Wizards, Mike Brown can say his team knows what it takes.

The other box score tells us that Suns’ fans were calling Bruce Bowen “choice names [he] had never heard before” (big yucky meanie? poopface maximus?) before he sunk a three-pointer with 36 ticks left to give the Spurs their first lead of the game. They went on to win 88-85 in a game that will forever be tainted by David Stern’s assinine exercise of authority in suspending Boris Diaw and Amare Stoudemire. To salute the NBA commish, we urge all NBA fans to do a quick Google search sometime today for “David Stern,” enlarge your favorite image, and raise your middle finger at the screen. Hold it for 5 seconds, close the window, and wait for the voodoo magic to work its wonders.

The Spurs now lead the series 3-2, with Game 6 Friday night back in Texas. Taking it to the Rack thinks you can now stick a fork in the Suns’ season:

By the end of last night’s game in Phoenix, it didn’t matter who was active or suspended. What mattered was that the Suns had controlled play for close to 45 minutes on their home floor…and all they had to show for it was a loss that put them on the brink of elimination as they head to San Antonio for Game 6. Who you are is irrelevant in that type of situation; this is a loss that would be a major blow to anyone.

As strong as the Suns are, and as much as they would be as capable a team as any of recovering from a game like last night’s, it won’t be enough. The Spurs smell blood, the excuses will come too easily for the Suns, and Duncan, Manu and the supporting cast have taken this San Antonio team too far in this series to blow it now.

Tonight in David Stern’s NBA:

Detroit at Chicago, 8pm, ESPN: We’re not sure what else to say about tonight’s monumental Game 6 other than, damn it, the Pistons better get their heads out of their asses and close this out. Sure, they still have home-court advantage and Game 7, if the Bulls win tonight, would be back in Auburn Hills. But after losing three straight games, how tense, how nervous, you think that home crowd would be Monday night?

We said it once, we’ll say it again: I’d like to enjoy my weekend to the fullest, thank you very much. Take care of business tonight and get this over with.