Empty the Bench

- The “deepest NBA draft evah” took a hit today when Roy Hibbert, the 7-2 Georgetown center, decided to return to college for his senior season. His teammate Jeff Green just announced today that he’s staying. Dr. Hibbert would have been a lottery pick, but the financial bonus of going in the top five picks next season instead of the top 15 ultimately proved too tempting. Inch Brazil’s Tiago Splitter up the draft board.

- Speaking of the draft, soon-to-be-ex Memphis Grizzlies president Jerry West is absolutely thrilled his team dropped down to the fourth pick in the lottery. He’s relieved that management won’t have to decide between Oden and Durant, supportive of the NBA lottery format, and looks forward to spending his summer pitching pennies.

- A few days after publicly admonishing baseball and its handling of the steroid scandal–and basically admitting to taking them himself–a report has popped up that NY Yankees fat man-cum-slugger Jason Giambi tested positive for amphetamines sometime in the past year. I’m sure the timing of this leaked story has *nothing* to do with him hanging out MLB to dry. Nope, nothing.

- Ryan McNeill must have learned how to read people’s minds from a distance, because I couldn’t agree more with his great editorial column on Hoops Addict yesterday. The Canadian b-ball guru dismisses the “doom and gloom mentality” that’s permeated so many NBA fans and followers this postseason, and says that “if you can’t appreciate the great play currently underway in the playoffs, then maybe you should watch the NHL playoffs.” Oh, snap!

- Anyone else psyched about the two-hour season finale of Lost this evening? Big thanks to the NBA for not scheduling Game 2 of the Eastern Conference tonight. They want to see Jack die as much as we do.

- Two former Detroit Lions wide receivers are in the news today: one wants to fight, the other has apparently already fought. First, the now-retired Johnnie Morton–whom Lions’ GM Matt Millen once publicly called a “faggot” in one of the classiest moves of management history–has taken up mixed martial arts and is competing in those brutal UFC-style bouts. Take a wild guess as to who the one guy he really wants to get in the ring with is. Second, David Kircus–who slices a mean loaf of wheat bread–has apparently broken someone’s face.

- Stupid blisters! First Jeremy Bonderman, then Josh Beckett, and now Ben Sheets.

- Off Topic: we can’t decide if the better caption for this is “She’s only seven” or “USA! USA! USA!” There’s a few favorite moments from that clip, but mine are the slow motion footage around the couch and her mom aiding and abetting the gorging by actually picking up her daughter’s cup for her and pouring that liquidized cheesecake down her throat.

- Oh, right… the San Antonio Spurs beat the Utah Jazz again. It’s almost like we’re not really watching that series.

- Tim Lincecum has ETB’s fantasy baseball psycho Andrew singing Keith Urban’s “I Told You So.” He’s always been a fan of Urban’s traditional tones and catchy songs.

- Vince Carter wants to be paid $20 million a season for at least the next three years. No official word yet as to which drugs he must be consuming.

- Houston Rockets headcase Bonzi Wells thinks it was actually God who hired Rick Adelman as the new Rockets head coach. Everyone knows, however, that it’s apostle Bartholomew with the rooting interest in Houston, so don’t discount his influence.

- Yi Jianlian to the Boston Celtics? Makes sense to me. A lot of sense.

- Finally, we imagine this is kind of what Grizzlies fans (if there are any) must feel like right about now. Frustrated, exasperated, and helpless.