Empty the Bench

Kansas Sen. Sam Brownback committed a cardinal sin when his campaign hit Wisconsin yesterday. As a native of Minnesota, I’m all too aware of the man love that exists there for Brett Favre. To walk into a bar within 20 miles of Cheesehead territory and suggest that Brett is anything less than divine is to ask for a whooping.

The GOP presidential hopeful learned just how poorly received a slight of Favre can be at the Wisconsin Republican Party convention when he recycled an NFL analogy that may have played well in the South last week, but didn’t go over so big on Friday. Brownback suggested that Peyton Manning may be the best quarterback in NFL history, a questionable assessment anywhere, but particularly poor judgment in Packer land. The crowd reaction was enough to cause Brownback to visibly slump at the podium and put his head in his hands. Nice work, Brownback. I think you converted some voters.

ETB has taken the liberty of supplying the internal monologue that took place as Brownback put foot squarely in mouth:

“This is fundamental blocking and tackling. This is your line in football. If you don’t have a line, how many passes can Peyton Manning complete? Greatest quarterback, maybe, in NFL history.”

[They're booing? ME?? Oh, crap. What state are we in again? This is really bad. Apologize.]

“That’s really bad. That will go down in history. I apologize.”

[Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, THINK, Brownback, THINK . . . WISCONSIN!]

“Let’s take Favre then. The Packers are great. I’m sorry. How many passes does he complete without a line?”

[Now they're laughing at me! ME!! Sam Brownback, you CLOD! New topic, new topic . . .]

“I’m not sure how I recover from this. My point is we’ve got to rebuild the family. I’ll get off this.”

[Phew. Nice save, Brownback, nice save. Did I make sure the garage door went all the way down before I left home last week?]

Somewhere in Kansas, the light on an open garage door is still blinking on and off, on and off …

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