Empty the Bench

- Excuse the gentlemen over at Detroit Bad Boys for gloating a little bit over the Pistons’ amazing second-half comeback last night in Chicago. Despite the funeral parlor mood in the ESPN announcing booth after the Pistons decided to resume whooping the Bulls, this was a truly impressive display of talented veterans, on the road, never getting rattled and sticking to their guns. They won this game despite scoring a putrid 28 points in the first half (yes, 28, that’s not a typo). They won despite being down by as many as 19 points in the second half. And they won despite Chris Webber’s worst game of the playoffs. Detroit Bad Boys compares last night’s game to Glass Joe vs. Little Mac. Good stuff. The Pistons look to sweep Sunday afternoon.

- They might not be great NBA GMs, but Kevin McHale and Larry Bird apparently can roll joints with the best of ‘em. In a recent interview in Blender Magazine, John Mellencamp had this to say about his love for basketball: “I’ve known Larry Bird since we were kids. When he was on the Celtics and I was playing in Boston, he and Kevin McHale would come to my dressing room after the show and smoke me under the table.”

- So, Dirk is going to accept the NBA’s MVP award next week at a Dallas press conference. We don’t really have much to say about this other than that’s going to be one depressing event. Will Mark Cuban be there, and if so, will he say something to steal the limelight?

- We’ve been to a few NY Yankees games over the years–when the Detroit Tigers are in town, of course–and it’s about time someone called out the patriotic silliness of the 7th Inning Stretch. It always feels a little creepy, a little too nationalist, and it’s time for this “tradition” to end.

- Oops, he did it again. Just when you thought you and yours were safe from Tony Parker, rap artist, he’s back on the scene with another single/video. We assumed that since his make-up caked fiance Eva Longoria was seen sucking on a lollipop in his first mistake that, maybe, she’d up the ante and, I don’t know, just go for broke with a cucumber. Nope.

- A lot of people–namely the folks behind GetGarnett.com/blog–want to see KG join Kobe’s Lakers this summer. Makes sense for all involved, but the question of compensation for Minnesota is a tricky one. Without looking up the salary implications, the package would likely include Andrew Bynum, Lamar Odom, a pick, and another player. Hoops Addict has some thoughts on it. Might we finally see a summer with big names–KG, Jermaine O’Neal, Pau Gasol, Rashard Lewis–changing teams?

- Report: LenDale White is still fat and lazy.

- We’ve gotten a few questions over the past few months about our lack of NHL coverage. Honestly, we used to be into it. Like, totally. But that was almost four or five years ago now, and try as we might, it’s just not the same. It has something to do with the Steve Yzermans and Mark Messiers of the world retiring, the Sergei Fedorovs becoming anonymous everymans, and us not collecting cards anymore to help get back up to speed on who’s who. You write about what you know (or what you think you know), and our hockey coverage just wouldn’t be up to par. Maybe, in the future, but for now… no.

- Trixie, this one’s for you. Someone has finally called out an NBA dance team for what it really is: a collection of strippers.

- The only guy who can top Pacman Jones is Pacman Jones. In New York to meet with NFL commish Roger Goodell to appeal his year-long suspension, Jones wanted to prove he’s turned a corner. He’s changed. He even told Goodell that he was voluntarily abstaining from the nightclub scene. Hahaha… but check this out:

According to these sources, Goodell asked Jones what he was doing to help himself to change his lifestyle. Jones gave a lot of the right answers, such as volunteering that he was going to avoid the nightclub scene. The commissioner asked him if the self-imposed ban included strip clubs. Jones said yes.

Goodell then asked Jones the last time he had visited a strip club. Jones became a bit fidgety, perhaps suspicious that the commissioner was on to him, before he answered, “A day ago,” sources said.

- We’re not sure what’s worse: Ron Mexico indirectly running a dog-fighting ring, or not tipping his server at The Venetian.

- Roger Clemens is still an asshole. You know it’s bad when the Yankees practically pin their hopes of fielding a semi-respectable starting pitching staff on an overweight 44-year-old. I wouldn’t pay to see him pitch, but I *would* pay to see him face off one-on-one with David Wells at the 2007 Nathan’s Hot Dog Contest. Now that would be something.

- The fantastic True Hoop has kinda sorta maybe finally shown a little love for the Detroit Pistons by posting a collection of Bulls epitaphs.

- Ricky Williams wants back in the NFL. Ricky Williams is still smoking tons of pot. I wonder if he could smoke John Mellencamp under the table though…

- Finally, in honor of David “I’m talking really, really… really slowly to try and sound mystic” Blaine’s new NBA playoffs commercials, a clip of Charles Barkley’s attempt to beat Blaine’s underwater record on TNT’s Inside the NBA. We’ve said it once, we’ll say it again: TNT’s crew is the *best* on television when it comes to covering the Association. Always entertaining, insightful, a pleasure to watch.

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