Empty the Bench

In the black and silver corner, a 6-7, 35-year-old NBA forward who is known for his suffocating defense and has been accused of playing dirty every now and then to get the job done. And in the pocket-protector corner, wearing pleated khaki pants, a loose-fitting, button-up mauve dress shirt, and a carefully coifed swath of brown hair, is a computer repairman from Computer Nerdz. These two combatants are set for a showdown to determine how Bowen’s hard drive ended up in the computer of one Joy Roan after he hired the company to fix it:

[Bowen] and his wife are suing a local computer repair shop for nearly $2 million after a hard drive with their personal information ended up in a stranger’s hands. The hard drive allegedly contained Bruce Bowen’s financial and legal documents, pictures of his family, and pictures from one of the team’s NBA championships. All this ended up in the hands of Joy Roan, who just wanted her computer fixed.

“(A friend was) like, ‘Do you know Bruce Bowen?’ and I said, ‘No, why?’ ‘Because there are a lot of pictures of Bruce Bowen on here,’ ” Roan said. “I was like, ‘Is this Bruce Bowen’s house?’ and she’s like, ‘Who’s this?’ I said, ‘I think I have your hard drive,’ ” Roan said.

When asked about the lawsuit, and whether or not the hard drive was sold on purpose, a Computer Nerdz worker said, “No comment.”

Apparently, the Nerdz told both parties there must have been a mixup. I’d be pissed if a backup of my hard drive mysteriously ended up in someone else’s computer, too. Tons of incriminating stuff there: hil-arious photos of my cat pooping in the neighbor’s mailbox, my mom’s secret feta-and-pecan salad recipe, copies of my 7th grade report cards with teacher comments like “talks too much in class” and “disturbs others.” Bruce, don’t take any guff from those freekin’ Nerdz!