Empty the Bench

After concealing his genetic roots for the first 22 years of his natural life, the jig might be up for Charlotte Bobcats rookie forward Adam Morrison. It started during Sunday’s away game against the Miami Heat, when Morrison made “an obscene gesture” to a member of the crowd and was fined a cool $25k for his unprofessional actions by the NBA.

According to quotes from Morrison in the Charlotte Observer, the Heat fan in question zeroed in on the rookie’s weedy little mustache and deemed him “white trash.” “Basically, the guy called me white trash one too many times,” Morrison said. “I know I shouldn’t have done it, but (the fan’s behavior) was over the top. I think I’ve learned my lesson. They hit my pocketbook pretty good.”

Mmhmm… making just $3.6 million this season, I’m not sure how the NBA thinks Morrison can pay for that transgression. Anyway, when asked about the incident, Bobcats head coach Bernie Bickerstaff accidentally revealed his player’s sordid secret: one of his parents might be a winged mammal. “Adam has those sonar ears, like a bat,” Bickerstaff said.

Well, that explains everything: how Morrison heard a fan in the last row of the upper deck taunting him, why some of his teammates have had mysterious bite marks on their neck, and why he’s a tireless supporter of a fission-fusion society. For his first NBA season, Morrison is averaging 11.9 points, 3 boards, 2.1 assists, and 37% FG a night.