Empty the Bench

In a move that could take away some attention from its arrest-laden offseason, at least temporarily, the NFL has finally issued their schedule for the upcoming 2007 regular season. Find out who’s going to stomp your team, and when, by clicking here.

New Orleans and the defending champion Indianapolis Colts kick it off in Indy on Thursday, September 6. ETB could not confirm reports that Colts head coach Tony Dungy—a God-fearing Christian who honors his religious beliefs by exercising tolerance, forgiveness, and hatred for homosexuals—had invited leading members of The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation to serve as honorary ball boys and girls for the game. Here’s to Reggie Bush, Drew Brees, Marques Colston, and the rest of the Saints raining on the Colts’ parade opening night.

The first full weekend of NFL football also includes a much-anticipated clash between last season’s two worst teams, the Oakland Raiders and Detroit Lions, as well as the Darth Vader vs. Obi One Kenobi match between Eric Mangini’s New York Jets and Bill Belichick’s New England Patriots. NBC’s first Sunday night broadcast, unfortunately for John Madden, does not feature Brett Favre and the Packers; instead, we get an NFC East bout between the New York Giants and Dallas Cowboys. Yawn. Don’t worry, though: in this, Favre’s likely swan season, Green Bay gets four primetime games, including Thanksgiving against the toof-less Lions.

The game that nobody watches, the AFC-NFC Pro Bowl, is slated for Sunday, February 10, in sunny Honolulu, Hawaii. Just so you know.

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