Empty the Bench

This sudden infiltration of cavemen into American pop culture is getting a bit disturbing. First, a series of not-very-funny Geico commercials featuring overly sensitive cavemen inspires a TV sitcom based on the same characters. Ugh. Perhaps even more surprising, however, is that Los Angeles Clippers center Chris Kaman has been asked by NBA.com to maintain a blog as part of their now-legendary NBA Blog Squad. I know, I’m just as shocked as you are, and sincerely apologize for not finding this earlier.

Our love for Flea’s LA Lakers blog has been well-documented, but damn if the seven-footer with strangely magnetic nuts isn’t almost as entertaining as the Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist. This offseason, we look forward to reading Kaman discuss how he intends to start his next fire when it’s raining, how he’ll find his next meal, and when the best time of the day is for hunting boar, all in his simple, declarative prose that can only be described as Hemingway-esque.

For now, however, we’ll happily settle for his thoughts on road trips, boats, and movies. Catch up on all that is Kaman-ness at his NBA.com blog, but here’s a few snippets:

On a recent stretch of games:

Then we played at Charlotte and we beat them. Then we went to New Jersey and lost to the Nets. Then we went to Chicago. We were coming toward the end of the trip and, for the games in Chicago and Milwaukee, my family came to see me. I had lunch with them and stuff. Then we got home Thursday and got a day off. We came in and walked through some plays before another back-to-back. We played Utah and Washington on Friday and Saturday.

On “pleasuring around” in his new boat:

We had Sunday off, so I went fishing on my boat on Sunday. I went fishing Monday after practice, as well, and caught a bunch of fish. Then yesterday, Tuesday, I was here just hanging out in the boat and relaxing. It’s nice to hang out and get away from stuff some times. It’s expensive. It’s a big boat so it takes a lot of gas, a lot of fuel just to pleasure around, but I went fishing a couple times. The first day we didn’t catch anything and the second day we caught a lot of cod, lots of different kinds of cod fish.

On how he watches DVDs:

On the road, I’ll watch the DVDs on my computer. I have an Apple laptop and I use that with my headphones. I’ll plug those in when I’m on the road, otherwise I’ll just leave them out when I’m in my room.

There you have it: he doesn’t put on his headphones when he’s in his room. Awesome.
(Photo shamelessly stolen from Detroit Bad Boys)