Empty the Bench

You may have noticed a lack of NCAA Tournament coverage here at Empty the Bench. Well, there’s a good reason for it, and it’s not just because we have difficulty getting too excited about college basketball (and college sports in general). While that’s certainly a factor, the main reason we haven’t filled out any NCAA brackets or bothered much with the tournament is because the real single-elimination tourney is also underway, the one for all the marbles, the one we’ve been looking forward to all year: the NBA Dance Team Bracket!

That’s right, it’s time to vote your favorite NBA dance team all the way to the finals, baby, and personally we think this is going to be the most competitive dance-off yet. The Heat Dancers come in as the defending champs and overwhelming favorite, but boy howdy, they could have to deal with those formidable Knick City Dancers in the semi-finals, so the field is wide f-in open. The drama… the suspense… the intrigue!

NBA.com has the bracket and matchups, with first-round voting already begun in both conferences. The Kings Dance Team, which looks to only enlist one or two trannies, and the Heat Dancers both have Round 1 byes; both teams are using the time off to study their game plans, watch tape of their opponents, and get extra shots of collagen in the lips and ass.

Who do we like to win it all? The Pacemates will be tough to deal with; they’ve already beaten the Cleveland Cavalier Girls, and just look at the lead photo on their homepage! I wouldn’t want to meet them in a dark alley. Also, Allison LOVES ketchup, so they have that going for them too.

I’m picking Detroit’s Automotion as the darkhorse winner, though. These girls are hard-working, dedicated dancers who know how to get the job done. Yo, those TV time-out routines are jumpin’. Their first-round opponent, the Luvabulls, were rumored to have called them ‘ruthless bitches who’ll do anything to win,’ but that’s just not true. Let’s just say they’re calendar girls with an edge.

Cast your votes before it’s too late, NBA dance team fans. This is the real deal, so forget about Greg Oden and Al Horford—the players to watch are Nicole Hurdle and Jayme Magee (note where the “click to play” link is located for the Dancer Calendar Video on her profile).