Empty the Bench

Miami Heat center Shaquille O’Neal, best known for his starring role in the blockbuster smash Kazaam, made us vomit this morning with these typically self-indulgent comments after last night’s victory over the New Jersey Nets:

“Due to flopping, I didn’t do anything,” O’Neal said of his first half. “I was upset. I felt they tried to limit me, whoever ‘they’ may be.” But then O’Neal got going. “They tried to limit me, but they couldn’t,” he said. “I said to myself, ‘Third quarter, I have to do what I do.’”

Due to flopping? Please. I know Wade has been out of the lineup for a few weeks now, but it’s surprising that Shaq would forget about the style of play—incessantly flopping—his superstar teammate has in part built his game around. Of course, Shaq felt he was on a roll yesterday with the quotes, offering up this nauseating nugget before the game:

O’Neal joked about how the NBA is experiencing the end of an era as his career winds down. “I’m un-emulate-able,” he said. “I took the files and deleted them, ate ‘em, used ‘em in the bathroom, flushed it into the sewage plant, and blew the sewage plant up. So there’s no way my style can be copied. It’s gone.”

Surely the Miami beatwriters got a good chuckle from that, but they’re about the only ones (ok, TNT’s Craig Sager was probably rolling on the ground, dying of laughter, too). Yes, Shaq, you’re right: the NBA might never see another 7-1, 325-pound center who can dunk a basketball like you can, while never bothering to develop anything resembling a jump shot or to learn how to shoot free throws. I know, I know… he doesn’t have to shoot jump shots. He can just dunk. Very true, but to that I say nuts. For all his rings, for all his accolades, we have trouble accepting the common-held notion that Shaq is “the most dominating force in the NBA” simply because he’s bigger than everyone else. The ability to throw around and properly utilize one’s girth is not that impressive.

Kazaam is currently ranked by IMDB users as the 29th worst movie ever made.

Possibly Related Content:

1. Shaquille O’Neal Traded to the Cleveland Cavaliers; Let the Phoenix Bashing Begin


2. Counterpoint: Why Shaquille O’Neal Doesn’t Make Sense in Cleveland


3. Shaquille O’ Neal Still Keeping It Classy


4. Shaquille O’Neal Cements His Legacy


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