Empty the Bench

Dan Wilkinson, the first overall pick in the 1994 NFL Draft, is nowhere to be found after being traded from the Miami Dolphins to the Denver Broncos—and his favorite all-you-can-eat buffet is starting to worry. Wilkinson, who’s done everything in his power to avoid training camp the last few years (because he, ya know, doesn’t enjoy physical activity) was sent packing to the Broncos for a sixth-round pick in the upcoming draft, but that could be in jeopardy unless he reports for a physical:

According to the conditions of the March 3 trade, in which the Broncos sent the Dolphins a sixth-round draft pick in exchange for Wilkinson, the veteran tackle must report for a physical examination by Friday. A failure to do so will nullify the trade, unless the two teams agree to extend the deadline.

The problem: Wilkinson, who acknowledged in the wake of the trade that he had “some issues” to address before reporting to the Broncos, has not arranged a trip to Denver for the physical and has not returned phone calls from either team.

At time of publication, ETB could not confirm rumors that Wilkinson was “just somewhere eatin’,” though we did track down a Papa John’s delivery boy who works in Wilkinson’s neighborhood. “Yeah, I don’t know if it’s him or not, but there’s this one guy who’s been ordering two or three of our new Sausage Sensations pizzas every other day for a few weeks now,” he said. “Do I think that guy is in NFL shape? Not really… he’s pretty fat. I mean really fat, like Rosie O’Donnell fat. He might be the guy you’re looking for, he might not be. All I know is he enjoys eating.”