Empty the Bench

It’s the only logical explanation. It has to be. Papa Archie didn’t throw the kind of 16th-birthday bash that Peyton was hoping for back in 1992, and he just couldn’t take it anymore. If Peyton couldn’t have one himself, well damn it, the next best thing was to accept $200,000 to spend 2 hours at someone else’s.

We can’t fathom why else a recent Super Bowl MVP who signed a $99.2 million deal just 3 years ago would make himself such an easy target of ridicule for a “measly” $200 grand. He couldn’t possibly need the money, right? Beyond his lucrative contract with the Colts, the man is paid to promote Sprint, Sony, Gatorade, Mastercard, H.H. Gregg, and Direct TV. There may be more products he shamelessly hawks, and if there aren’t, there will be. And don’t tell us he did it to make the girl’s night; if that was the case, he would have declined the cash.

According to Deadspin, Peyton’s duties at the birthday bash included hiding behind a cake with a baker’s hat on and surprising the birthday girl, then standing in front of a backdrop to pose for photos with the party people. Money well spent—that Peyton is a hoot, I’m sure.

Then again, maybe we should cut him some slack. Peyton is a classy guy. It’s not like he’d ever do something like, oh, accuse a teammate critical of his past playoff performances of being “liquored up” or call them “an idiot kicker” in retort.

***UPDATE***

The Indianapolis Star says this was NOT a Sweet 16 party, but a corporate event. IMG, which represents Indianapolis Colts players for events such as this, was also quick to point out that Manning’s charity, the Peyback Foundation, “benefits” when the QB does this kind of thing. Well, wonderful. We still think it’s ridiculous.

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