Empty the Bench

With the outlook once again bleak for the Kansas City Royals offense this season, it seems it might be worth it for KC to contact the agent for faux-actor, faux-rock star Jared Leto to gauge his interest in possibly joining the team. Though Leto has proven mediocre at almost everything in his professional career (“My So-Called Life,” “Alexander,” and rocking out in his adorable little band 30 Seconds to Mars, for starters), he certainly sounds like he’s ready to step into the batter’s box:

Jared has revealed that he often wants to take a baseball bat to critics. Speaking about negative press, Jared said recently: “The music is close to us and we can take it personally when we hear something we don’t like. Sometimes you want to take a baseball bat to someone’s face.
Or maybe their kneecaps – that would probably be more fun. There are some people who might look better if you smacked them in the head with a baseball bat.”

Why can’t the haters just leave this poor, tortured soul alone? How could you criticize a man of this stature, this talent? Well, Jared, we’re in your corner, and just to prove it will publish our favorite passage from the 30 Seconds to Mars hit “Buddha for Mary.” We love Flea here at ETB, but he’s got nothing on our boy Jared:

Mary was an acrobat
But still she couldn’t seem to breathe
Mary was becoming everything she didn’t want to be
Mary would hallucinate
And see the sky upon the wall
Mary was the type of girl
She always liked to fly

Excuse us while we dry our tears… and wipe away the vomit.

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