Empty the Bench

Everyone knows by now that former NBA benchwarmer John Amaechi is gay, and has surely rushed out to order his timeless literary gem new tell-all book. Reactions by NBA players have been widely published, but we couldn’t help but think of Gareth Keenan from BBC’s The Office when reading quotes from Philadelphia 76ers forwards Steven Hunter and Shavlik Randolph and Sioux City Skyforce guard Corey Williams (NBADL).

Here’s Gareth on homosexuality:

“That’s one of the major arguments against letting homosexuals into the army. Will they be looking at the enemy, or will they be looking at me, going “Oooooh, he looks tasty in his uniform?”

“My dad, for example, he’s not as cosmopolitan or as educated as me and it can be embarrasing, you know. He doesn’t understand all the new trendy words. Like, he’ll say ‘poofs’ instead of ‘gays’, ‘birds’ instead of ‘women’… ‘darkies’ instead of ‘coloreds’…”

Steven Hunter couldn’t believe Amaechi is gay: “For real? He’s gay for real? As long as he don’t make any advances toward me I’m fine with it,” he said. “As long as he came to play basketball like a man and conducted himself like a good person, I’d be fine with it.”

His teammate, Shavlik Randolph, wants no part of any “gayness”: “As long as you don’t bring your gayness on me, I’m fine. As far as business-wise, I’m sure I could play with him. But I think it would create a little awkwardness in the locker room.”

Last but not least, Corey Williams preaches tolerance for “gays”: “Having a gay teammate shouldn’t be a problem. It’s all about respect. As long as we respect each other and conduct on a professional manner, it’s a non-issue. I would only have a problem if it’s RuPaul or somebody flamboyant like that. But you know that’s not happening. It’s a fact, people… There are gays playing basketball everywhere. In Europe, in the NBA… Everywhere. And you have to accept it.”

Thanks, guys. We were starting to think that no one would say anything quotable embarrassing about the NBA’s First Big Coming-Out Party.

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